For the last 4 days we’ve been addressing ‘the legs of manhood’, because those are the legs that are given to us in our youthfulness by a mom and by dad. What those two powerful forces do, or don’t do, for a boy growing up to adult life leave him with either a set of strong and steady legs to stand on in his full masculinity, or it leaves him with weak and unsteady legs that need braces. In a few cases, you look down and what you need is a prosthesis because one or both of the legs are missing for the foundational masculinity that should have been given to you from a mom and a dad as you were growing up in your home.
Some of you could be asking on what to do if dad is dead. What if dad is no longer around? What do I do with my relationship with him now?” Let's address that in one of two ways:
1️⃣ If you had a good relationship with your dad but there are some things that have been stirred up in you by these sessions. You’ve wanted to talk to him, but you can’t because he’s gone. Then you are in a place where you’ve got to grieve about that situation. You’ve just got to grieve over the loss that has caused you, and then release your dad for what he can’t do now, especially if your dad died when you were young.
On the other hand, if that relationship with your father was a troubled relationship, then you’ve got a more difficult task, especially if your dad has already passed away. You’ve got to go through the difficult process of forgiving him and releasing him for the things he didn’t do. For some of you, that might involve you going out to your dad’s gravesite. Symbolically, it’s the closest you can get to dad here on earth. Sometimes a man needs to just walk out and stand over that grave and, in light of what he’s learnt here, he needs to forgive him – for what his dad couldn’t give him, because now he sees his dad in a different light. He sees how dad grew up and what dad didn’t have, so he couldn’t offer it to you because he didn’t get it himself. You need to forgive him.
On the other hand, you’re standing there at that gravesite and you realize that maybe he did as best he could in light of the demons he himself was facing. You can understand that now for the first time, so you need to stand there and symbolically that finally puts it to rest, you forgive him. You release him and you move on.
2️⃣ In the absence of dad, especially if your dad died when you were young, I would suggest you join with some other men – especially men that you admire or you’re encouraged by – and let them help you be commissioned into a new manhood. We’ll talk about how to do that later on. I’m not asking you to do that now, but just think about it. Comrades: every man needs to have a moment where he knows he’s become a real man. Every man needs that. If your dad wasn’t there to help you know this, then you need other men to help you know this.
Because sometimes our natural legs of manhood – when mom and dad failed to support us the way that they should have supported us. Then we have to ask the question, ‘Then what do I do?’ If they didn’t give me these legs – if I feel like they’re braces or something’s missing, there are just stumps there – then what? The answer is you don’t quit - you don’t play the victim - you don’t blame others - you stand and act like a man – and move forward. That’s what you do. That’s what we’re encouraging you to do this series.
Today, we’re going
to address how to act responsibly with mom. We started
this yesterday - how to
act responsibly with a mother
who’s over-played her hand in your life. She has been unwilling to let go
for one reason or another. How do
you deal with a mom like that in a responsible way?
We introduced you to that wound called the “Overly-Bonded with Mother Wound.” We said it was an unhealthy emotional relationship with mother. It causes a son to either be threatened by the influence of women later on, or it causes him to over-identify with women and remain dependent on their influence and submissive to it.
Major Consequences of the Mother Wound
With a Mother Wound two extreme forms of masculinity can develop - rather than the balanced masculinity we talked about some days back.
1️⃣ Sons can become overly passive in regards to women. They continue to yield to mom’s influences long into adulthood, long after they should have cut that relationship. A son sacrifices his masculinity when he over- identifies with his mother. He becomes, as we talked about Yesterday , feminized. He learns to react in ways that are more appropriate to a woman than to a man.
He places high emphasis on his feelings because of his over-identification with the key woman in his life. He learns to wait rather than initiate, because he learned that from mom. He shuns risk-taking. As he becomes an adult, he looks for a woman to care for him in the same way he looked to mom to care for him. He has that invisible, emotional umbilical cord. He’s moving around trying to connect that cord into another woman - if he can’t connect it into mom.
Three words identify this man who becomes overly passive in regards to women, because of his relationship with mom - The soft male, Feminized Man & Passive Husband.
When a man grows up in a home where he over-identifies with his mom and he feels threatened by her or he over-identifies and feels submissive to his mom, there’s a man inside of him that wants to get out and lead - to be a man with women. But he’s been suppressed. So, as he moves through life, he wilts in the presence of women. If he gets married he wilts in the presence of his wife.
But there’s still a man in there that wants to get out. If he doesn’t handle it in a healthy way, then he fantasizes about it in an unhealthy way on how he would handle it. So as a result a lot of men, who become the soft male or the feminized man – not effeminate – a lot of men get attached in a very unhealthy way to pornography. It’s the one place they can go in a fantasy relationship where they feel like they can act like a man when relating to women without being suppressed by that woman or over-identifying with her in a way that he has to submit to that woman. He can be the leader in that fantasy relationship.
Another phrase is the ‘passive husband’ who has connected with a mother-wife. In other words he has married someone who will continue to take care of him the same way mom did. In the beginning this strong woman sees him as a sensitive male, but after they’re married, she begins to resent him for his lack of initiative.
2️⃣ Sons can become overly dominant in regards to women, if they have been threatened by mom. What happens in this case is a son growing up with mom, contends with her and resists her influence over his life. It finally distorts his masculinity and that’s what he takes out into the world with him.
Later on after mom, he sees women as a constant threat to his masculinity. He sees them as seeking to control him and because of that, he becomes too strong in his relationships with women - too demanding. He develops a my way or the highway kind of mentality. He’s threatened by any woman’s assertiveness. When he gets into a marriage and a woman tries to express herself - her feelings - her rights - her equalities, he sees that as an attack on his masculinity. He feels like he has to dominate her, and rule over her and suppress her, or else she’s going to control him. In reality, what he’s doing is shadow-boxing with his past. As an adult, this type of a man looks for a woman who will give him what he wants and give in to his desires. If he’s a Christian man, he loves the word ‘submit.’ He loves that word, because it speaks right to the issue of his wound.
Three words that describe the man who becomes overly dominant early in his relationship with his mom would be these: A conquering masculinity, Fierce Independence and Demanding Husband.
We see A conquering masculinity all the time in our world today, don’t we? In its extreme form, it leads to domestic violence, abuse, adultery, rape et.c. You know what rape is? Rape is a guy who’s so threatened by women that this is his way of getting even. But it has roots that go way back in that regard to mom. Then there is ‘a fierce independence’ because that person fears being vulnerable in the presence of women. He has a real difficult time opening his heart to a woman. The reason he does is because he feels like if he did that, she would take advantage of him and she’d take control. So he’s got this fierce independence. It’s also expressed in the demanding husband, who makes demands over his wife and rules his household with an iron fist.
As you look at those 2 extreme forms of behavior, every one of us here are somewhere on this spectrum. If those are the opposite poles of the spectrum - the overly passive here and the overly dominant there – you might ask yourself where on the spectrum do I find myself? That’s a good question to ask yourself. A lot of that behavior goes back to our relationship in those primal beginnings with mom.
Many times the wound is inflicted not because mom intended to hurt you. In fact, this wound is often inflicted more out of love than neglect. The problem is that the love and concern goes too far. It gives too much. It gets too involved. As payment, it asks too much in return. That’s the problem. Every son needs a healthy, emotional break with mom that takes him out of mom’s orbit and establishes a healthy separate identity which will enable him later on in life to relate to a woman, not out of desperate need and not out of an over-dependence. But to relate to her out of a healthy give-and-take relationship of two separate, healthy individuals.
That sounds good but I want you to know – every mom has difficulty with this. Even the best of moms struggle with this, even Jesus’ mom did. Did you know that?
Jesus and His Mom
Let me give you 4 snapshots into Jesus’ relationship with His mother.
1️⃣ Relational Clarity—Luke 2:43-50
In Luke 2 - Jesus is just 12 years old. Here’s a moment in the life of a mother and son: As they were returning after spending the full number of days, the boy Jesus (He is a boy; but He’s a changing boy – He’s 12 years old; He’s probably going through puberty at this particular period of time) - the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem and his parents weren’t aware of it, but supposed him to be in the caravan, they went a day’s journey and they began looking for Him among their relatives and acquaintances. And they did not find Him, and they returned to Jerusalem, looking for Him. And it came about that after 3 days (now that’s a long time, looking for your boy. You’d be upset, wouldn’t you? He’s missing for 3 days). They found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers both listening to them and asking them questions. And all who heard Him were amazed at His understanding and His answers. (They were already getting a sense of who this – this Guy was extraordinary). And when they saw Jesus, they were astonished (and then notice this) and His mother said to Him (not his dad; his mother; she steps forward. Now you know it’s interesting in Scripture – nowhere do we hear Joseph say anything. Now, I’m not saying Joseph was a weak man, but what I am saying is it’s real clear from Scripture that Mary was a strong woman. And she initiates in this moment). And His mother said to Him, “Son, why have You treated us this way?” (Now notice if dad was speaking, he wouldn’t say it that way, would he? He’d say ‘what in the “fat” are you doing?’ He would speak on a task level, but not mom! She doesn’t speak that way, does she? She has a whole different language). “Son, why have You treated us this way?” Let me paraphrase, “Why have you hurt your mama? Why would you do this to me?”
2️⃣Social Clarity—John 2:1-4
This occurred when Jesus was 30 years old. He’s not a boy now. He’s a man, and there’s a social moment here as Jesus is actually in the first part of His public ministry.
In John 2, it says: “And on the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there, and Jesus also was invited, and His disciples to the wedding, and when the wine gave out. (Now, just imagine – it’s a party. It’s a social situation; there are people there having fun together, and the wine gives out. And the mother of Jesus said to Him, “They have no wine.” Do you hear a message in that, comrades? Let me say it probably the way Jesus heard it: “Boy, they have no wine! You’re God…”)
That’s exactly how it felt. You can feel it. There are orders being given. They’re not being given direct, the way a man would say it. They’re being given indirectly, through the relationship, ‘You owe me; I’m your mother.’ And what did Jesus say? “Well, mom, come on…” - no, He doesn’t say that. He speaks as a man who doesn’t want to be bonded in this way. He doesn’t say ‘Mom.’ He says [and listen; it’s strong, isn’t it?]: “Woman, what do I have to do with you?” Don’t push me. That’s what’s happening here. Cut - cut. That’s what you’re feeling. But notice He’s a 30 year old man - ‘Don’t tell Me what to do.’ Maybe another way of paraphrasing it: ‘Take your umbilical cord away from Me. I don’t want it.’
3️⃣Spiritual Clarity—Matthew 12:46-50
Jesus is well into His ministry. There’s some spiritual clarity that needed to be given to mom. It says in Matthew 12: “While He was still speaking to the multitudes, behold His mother and His brothers were standing outside seeking to speak to Him. And someone said to Him, ‘Behold, Your mother and Your brothers are standing outside seeking to speak to You.” (Now, let’s just ask the question: There’s this one called ‘someone’ – see it there in the text? How do you think that someone was sent? You don’t think this someone was commissioned directly by Mary? Just listen to the request. ‘Your mother – Behold, Your mother is out here with Your brothers – wanting to speak to You.’) But He answered the one who was telling Him, and said, “Who is My mother and who are My brothers?” And stretching out His hand towards His disciples, He said, “Behold, my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father who is in heaven, he is My brother and My sister and My mother.”
Cut - cut. ‘Go tell mom that.’ Now, you
would think ‘well, they must have a tough relationship.’ No, they really didn’t have a tough
relationship. I think they had a
sweet relationship. I think Jesus honored
His mother His whole life and I think she felt honored, but there’s that constant kind
of movement going on in their relationship.
4️⃣A Healthy Ending—John 19:25-27
All this comes to an interesting ending at the cross. I want you to see this because it’s a very healthy ending. Jesus is 33 and He’s being crucified. John 19 tells us the story, but what you need to understand is that Jesus kept His mom from re-bonding with Him. In keeping her at a certain, healthy distance, she did not lose Jesus as a Son. She gained back Jesus as a Man – who has a healthy, had a self-identity in and of His own right. That’s what happened here. It says here: “There were standing by the cross of Jesus His mother, and His mother’s sister Mary, the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. And Jesus, hanging on the cross, when He saw His mother and the disciple whom He loved (that’s John) standing nearby, He said to His mother (on the cross) ‘Mother, behold, your son!’ (You knew this from the very beginning. Here I am.’ But here’s what I think He’s telling her. Here’s the message: ‘here’s your Son: a Man!’ And you would have never put Me here. You would have kept Me from this, because you love Me so much. Behold! Your Son! And then in the midst of the pain and agony of that moment, look what He does. He says to the disciple John, ‘John, behold your mother.’)
And John got the message, didn’t he? Because
from that hour, the disciple took her into his
own household. You know what that means? That means at the end, Mary wasn’t caring
for Jesus, the Boy. Jesus, the
Man, was caring for His mother. And
that’s the way it should be in adulthood.
Seven Suggestions for Healing This Wound
1️⃣Always start with the understanding that breaking mom’s over-involvement (if that’s the case with you. Now that’s not the case with every comrade here.) is good for you and her! it’s not going to feel like that in the beginning, but it is, because authentic manhood is impossible without it. As long as you are tied to mom in some unhealthy way -- whether it’s small or large – it’s going to stunt your quest for masculinity
2️⃣Recognize that your ultimate goal is to become a man whose vision is fixed on what God thinks – not on what mom thinks. That’s assuming that you have a spiritual vision for your life. If you don’t, this wouldn’t necessarily apply. But if you have a spiritual vision for your life, you have to finally turn and decide ‘what does God think of my life? Not what does mom think of my life.’ Jesus was strong on this point. Here’s the way He said it in Matthew 10:37; ‘He who loves father or mother more than Me, is not worthy of Me.’ (You can’t be tied back there; you’ve got to leave and cleave to Me.)
Real manhood begins when a man begins to ask this question: “God, what kind of man do You want me to be?” That’s a noble question. I’m hoping that over the course of these sessions, in a large measure, you’ll have an answer for that question. Then it becomes an act of the will and faith. Are you going to follow that vision or are you going to keep yourself tied to the past? That’s going to be what the real issue will be at that point.
3️⃣Stop complaining or struggling with mom. If you have this wound, get the support, encouragement and help you need from other men, or if necessary, a counselor if the wound is at a serious level. Here’s the key, develop a plan for healthy independence from mom. Underline the word ‘healthy.’ Invite feedback from the men around you, to avoid serious errors in making the break.
Proverbs 27:17 says “Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” If you’re struggling in this area, you need to talk to other men; to get a balanced clarity on what’s really going on. Out of that, you formulate a plan to make a healthy break, not an unhealthy break. You can make an unhealthy break. You can wield an axe, but that’s not how you love your mom. We’re talking about making a healthy break to help make you a healthy man.
To do that, you need a specific plan:
(a) This plan should address specific issues with specific applications that are troublesome to you. It may be your mom’s interference in your marriage. It may be the excessive time demand that she’s still making on you as an adult. It may be her excessive need for attention - her overbearing expectations - her emotional manipulations - her inappropriate remarks or criticisms to you/your wife or to members of your family - her unwillingness to release you or an unwillingness to acknowledge who you are now. She’s living in kind of a time warp – a time lock perspective and you’re still a boy in her perspective, and you don’t want to be anymore. Your plan must address those specific items – the ones that are troubling to you with a specific application.
(b) Secondly, this plan should establish ‘time-tested boundaries’ to how you and mom will interact in the future. It’s not just saying what the issue is. You are going to draw some boundaries now that say how we’re going to interact from now on. You are going to establish those boundaries, not her. You are going to enforce them. The challenge, though is to establish boundaries that allow you to continue to honor the fifth commandment, which says “honor your father and your mother.” So whatever boundary you draw, it should be healthy for you and honoring to her. You need to ask other men, ‘is this boundary I’m proposing too tight?’ Or ‘is it too loose? Is it clear?’ ‘Does it still honor my mom and our relationship?’ ‘Is it fair to both of us in light of our situation?’
(c) Third, this plan should include clear consequences attached to boundary violations. Once you’ve got the plan it should have clear consequences if she violates those boundaries. You might say to your mom, ‘if you talk to my wife Mary about this anymore; you keep telling her how to raise our son, Josh. If you do, Mom, you’re going to have to leave.’ That’s the boundary. ‘Mom, I can’t come over tonight.’ Or ‘I can’t come to your home for the holidays; I have other things to do. I’ll not keep addressing it with you.’ Or ‘Mom, we’re choosing to do this or that as our way of life. This or that may include how we discipline the kids - where we choose live - what school we are going to send our kids to or not send our kids to - where we go to church - when and where we vacation - and where we spend the holidays,’ and so on and so forth. You say, ‘this is the way it’s going to be; and we’re not going to talk about it anymore. And if you exceed those boundaries, then there are going to be consequences to that.’
Now some of you may say, ‘I need help with that!’ If you need help, there are many books out that will be real helpful. One, right now that’s extremely helpful to both men and women is the book called Boundaries. I recommend that book to you as a way of educating yourself on how to draw boundaries and have healthy, but clear, consequences. By the way, if you have a wife who struggles with her mom – okay? - This is an excellent book for her to read as well. So those are the three things that the plan should include.
4️⃣Communicate your plan in one of the following ways to your mom, and stand your ground regardless of how she responds. Here are two ways you can do it.
(a) First, just through a new way of relating to your mom. Some of these things may just be mild issues. Depending on the intensity level, or lack of it, you may just say, ‘you know, I’m going to change the way we do this. I’m going to tell mom we’re not coming to her house for Christmas. We’re going to have our own Christmas. Our kids are now at an age where they need to be in their own setting.’ By the strength of your voice, and the way you say it in an honoring way, your mom may all of a sudden realize she’s dealing with a different person, and she may respond positively to that. She may not like it, but she’s going to go, ‘well, okay.’ That begins to set the healthy boundaries, you are doing it through a new way of relating to her.
If you find that she doesn’t respond that way, and she begins to emotionally punish you in one way or another, or complain, then it may require this second step and which is:
(b) Through a face-to-face meeting where you talk about these specific issues. It’s fairly dramatic and you’re going to feel the little boy in you want to take over, but you’ve got to put the little boy down and have the big man stand up. You’ve got to say, ‘this is the way it’s going to be.’ And when those emotions and those appeals of love, and ‘what- are-you-doing-to-your-mama?’ kind of feelings start flowing, you’ve got to stand there and not blink. You’ve got to say, ‘this is the way it’s going to be mom and I love you. I really do but this is the way it’s going to be. God has called me to leave and cleave to my wife. God’s also called me to leave and cleave to Him. I’m moving forward, mom – not going backwards.’
5️⃣ Use the men in your life to report back to for clarity, encouragement and accountability. I want you to know this is very helpful, especially if mom chooses to do battle with you and punish you in some way. In many cases, to make a healthy break with mom is a process. It’s not a one-time thing - it’s a process. That’s why you need ‘male cheerleaders’ which we’ll talk about in the coming days.
6️⃣If you are married - tell your wife you’ve got an over- involved mom in your life. Tell your wife you recognize the problem with an interfering mom and that you will take the responsibility to correct it. You’re not going to let her get in the middle. Ask her for her support and prayer, but ask her not to get involved. It’s your problem – not hers. If you’ll do that, Your wife will be relieved. She will respect and admire you as a man. It will keep the pressure where it needs to be – on the primary relationship, that is, between you and your mom – not mom and your wife. It will cause your wife to feel loved by you, in a much deeper way. It will cause your wife to respect you as a man, and admire your leadership over the family. Those are all good things.
7️⃣Finally, in some cases your efforts to establish a healthy relationship with mom will result in a time of emotional punishment, or even with your mom becoming angry with you. Be encouragement, do not be derailed by this because in time she will adjust. She will adjust.
Let me give you a real-life letter written by a guy who did this very thing. He had had some real difficult relationships with his mother. This guy’s 40 years old. His mom sent him some angry letters. He sent this response to his mom, after finally drawing up a plan. He said this to her:
“Dear Mom:
I
want to be honest with my feelings about you, so I will throw away my natural timidity and say what I think. Many aspects of your recent letter to me
are like the worst aspects of our adult mother-son relationship this past 20
years. Two words come to mind to describe
this relationship: domination and manipulation. I
feel like any time I resist your dominant will, then your response is manipulative, particularly to induce the
emotion of guilt in me. Oftentimes in
the past, this has worked although to no one’s satisfaction. Hopefully, we can now break this cycle. I will
continue to honor you as my mother, but I cannot fulfill your needs in any
area. We can acknowledge this without going to the extreme of a totally cut-off
relationship. I suggest to you that if you find our relationship very
painful, then your expectations from it are not proper. I had asked that we may have a right relationship as a mother to
son before the Lord. Please recognize
that as a grown man I must follow the call to be a man; no longer tied to his mother. I must follow the Biblical
command to leave
my parents’ home and to cleave to my
wife, and please don’t use emotional manipulation techniques on me in the
future, for I am planning to resist it from now on. This letter is from me; not from my wife. I plan to let Betty read it before I send it,
but only myself and you can be
accountable for our relationship. Betty
is neither the cause nor the solution to our relational problems, and she never has
been, although in the past you have blamed her as the cause. This will no
doubt be a slow-moving struggle, but it’s time to work on a new kind of
relationship between us. I love you
and I await your reply.’
That’s pretty good,
isn’t it? Here’s his mom’s
reply:
“Dear Son;
Maybe
there is no legal means for you to get rid of
me as your mother or as a
mother-in-law, but I can sure try to make it easier for you to be free of me
emotionally. I hereby grant you permission to forget I exist,
or ever was, or ever will be a part of your life or
the lives of your children. I realize
that is the way it is anyway, but just in case you occasionally feel
burdened with the fact that I actually do exist, and you have to put up with me, I
want to remove that obstacle for you. I’ll admit that I am not doing
this just for you and the kids as I am truly weary of the hostility and
rejection, as well as the shattered hopes and dreams I had for us. I have
waited so long for us to be friends – that kind
of friends that I believe we once
were. It’s not easy to say good-bye to such
an important part of my life. But you
have really left me no choice. With all the love I’ll hold in my heart for you both, Your ex-mom.”
P.S. I know how Jesus felt when He
spoke in Matthew 23, “O, how I have longed to gather you together as a hen gathers a chick under her
wings, but you were not willing.”
That’s tough, isn’t it? But you know what? He hung in there and you want to hear the good news? His mom adjusted and she got back a man – as well as a son.I want to take a hard right – just for a moment. That’s in relationship to men and their mothers.
The Critical Need | The Call Away
The critical need today is for fathers to call their teenage sons away from dependency on mom to manhood. Dads, your teenage sons need to be called away from mom. What that means is that mom is not going to wake them up in the morning; mom is not going to take them out and buy their clothes for them anymore; mom’s not going to cover for their mistakes at school. Mom is not going to become the counselor of their boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. Mom’s not going to be paying their bills. There comes a place where you, dad, need to call your son to you – and away from mom. And he needs to set his own alarm. If he wants to go out and buy clothes, you need to take him. Or you need to tell him to go do it himself – and let his hair over grow if necessary, until he decides it’s time for him to get a haircut.
It’s not time for mom to be mom to a teenage
son in a way that she’s caring for him like
he’s in elementary school. It’s time for him to grow up. You need
to be calling him into authentic manhood. Now
you go, ‘well how do I do that?’ That’s
what this Men Of Courage (MOC) is all about.
We’re going to ask you – those of you who are dads with teenage sons – to invite them to join us for the second half if they would like to do that. The face of your son – when he hits his teenage years - needs to start turning to his dad. You need to call him away from mom. Three points about that:
1. First, this call away needs to be clear and direct. You need to say, ‘son, come join me as a man.’ You need to be able to define what manhood is to him. You may say, ‘well, I don’t have a definition.’ Listen, if you’ll stick here, you will have a definition. It will be a clear definition. It’ll be exciting to you, and you’ll be able to call your son to it as you pursue it for yourself.
2. Secondly, this call away needs to be embraced by the son, the dad and the mom to be effective. So there’s probably going to have to be a discussion with mom about where she needs to back off as he moves into his teenage years.
3. Thirdly, this call away needs to employ ceremony. A ceremony or a series of ceremonies that are signposts that your son is stepping into manhood. What is the best way for a son to find out he’s a man? It’s for he and his dad to be with some other men and to be called into manhood by these men. We’re going to talk about how to do ceremonies in the second half of MOC. It will be some of the finest days of your sons’ lives – if you’ll do it for them.
Let me close with two final comments.
1) The legs of masculinity on which a man stands – whether they’re weak or strong –– they’re established at home. I encourage those men with good, strong, healthy legs because of the way your parents trained you, would you give them thanks for that? Whether it’s at Thanksgiving or Christmas or a holiday, or a birthday, would you get up in your mom and dad’s face and say, “thanks!” Praise them for the good work that they did when you were growing up.
For those here who have legs that are hurting and shaky – or maybe missing altogether - my admonition and exhortation to you is that you would take the responsibility for that. Then do this, go out into the world - even with those hurts, bruises, or amputations and show the world a miracle. Stand up and be a man. You can do it, because others have done it. You’re not the first, nor the last.
2) Then finally, Start working on your Manhood Plan right now. This is the time – right now – to pull out that plan – that outline – and start working on that plan. Decide how you’re going to handle this Absent Father Wound and make up for it, if you have that wound. Or how you’re going to address the Overly-Bonded with Mother Wound, and make the break from it if you need to. It’s time to start.
Comrades It’s time to start right now! Remember, How you unpack this unfinished business will, to a large degree, determine the kind of man that you will be
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