We have been on a journey the last few days, and much of that journey was unpacking the relationship or the lack of relationship, that we had with our dad and with our mom. Today, that we’re going to leave all that behind. We’re going to move more into the present tense and where we are now; the things that we deal with on the day-do-day.
And today, I want to introduce you to a different kind of wound; a wound that most often is self-inflicted by a man upon himself. The All-Alone Wound, and it’s where a man hurts himself by refusing to see life as it really is.Where we are now and how well connected we are, or disconnected, has a lot to do with the quality of each man’s life today.
3 Significant Relationships
There are three significant relationships that empower and energize a man’s life and they take a man through the full season of his life.
1. The Admiring Mentor. This is a relationship that occurs most often in the first half of life for a young man, though it’s not necessarily relegated to just the first half of life. There are older men who go all the way through their life having some man just ahead of them, that serves as a sage for his life. But most often, the Admiring Mentor occurs in the first half of life.
It’s with a coach; or a teacher; or a special relative; or maybe it’s your first employer who took a special interest for one reason or another. People like this – these Admiring Mentors that kind of come unexpectedly into your life. You can’t buy them; they oftentimes just show up.
But they do more than befriend you. They go deeper into your life because they choose to go there. They recognize your potential. Unlike the others that are around you, somehow they see the best in you. They see where you can go, and what you could be. You become special to them and you know it. Your success becomes one of the desires of their heart. And they have kind of a twinkle in their eye when they look at you.
Their admiration empowers you. And I don’t know if you’ve ever had an Admiring Mentor. If you don’t have an older man, when you’re younger, who’s admiring you and calling out the best in you – you know, it leaves a loss. A mentor can do something that a dad really can’t do. He can see sometimes more than a dad could ever see.
2. The Side-by-Side Friend, This should occur over all of life. These are the guys that you have a spoken or unspoken loyalty to. They’re the people that you can get down and get dirty with. You can share anything with and you know as you deposit that into their hands, they’re going to hold it safely. They may be rough with you with what you say, but it’s all between just you and them, and there’s a certain sacredness within that relationship, because real friends are soul-mates. They’re transparent partners in life.
There’s not a lot of places you can go to be transparent and unload your soul. But you can with a good friend. And blessed is the man who has even one in his life.
3. The Needy Protégé. This relationship for a man occurs mainly in the second half of life; it’s on the other side of being a mentor. The word ‘protégé’ is a French word. It literally means in French to protect. In a Webster’s dictionary It means “one whose welfare is promoted by another person.” And in this case someone else’s welfare is promoted by you.
You’re seasoned in life; you have the rough-and-tumble experiences of life; you’ve been hurt; and you’ve won. You’ve been foolish and you’ve been wise. There’s this wealth of experience that you now carry – good and bad – in your life. You’re an older man. But what do you carry it for? One of the great places that wealth of material needs to be deposited is into a younger man’s life, The Needy Protégé.
And so somewhere along in your life, you’re going to have young men cross your path. It’ll start in your mid - 40’s and continue until the day you die. There’ll be opportunities for you to energize and empower another man – to bless his life; to knight him with just a hand on his shoulder, or you look him in the eyes, and you smile and you say, ‘you know, you’re good.’ And his whole life changes in that moment because someone believed in him.
Somewhere along the line you’ll have that opportunity and you may squander that opportunity. You may be oblivious to that opportunity, but they’re going to be there for you – this young man that you need to lock on and – for whatever reason – believe in; for no gain of your own -- other than just simply to admire his efforts and to care for his soul, and to help to go higher and higher and farther than he ever thought he could go.
Men were meant to have satisfaction in the second half of life by investing in younger men. Because there is something you gain out of it. You gain an energy and a meaning and a purpose for your life as an older man by making a difference in younger men. You empower, but it also empowers you. And blessed is the man who invests down, in the next generation, and enjoys it.
Those are the 3 relationships that keep a man connected and energized, and empowered. It’s the Admiring Mentor relationship; it’s the Side-by- Side Friend – it’s connecting to the Needy Protégé. And hopefully, you’ll have all three of those experiences before you say ‘good-bye’ to this life. Without these three relationships, a man is going to be impoverished in his life. And that brings us to this wound, the All-Alone Wound. What is that?
The All-Alone Wound Defined
Definition: It’s the social, emotional or spiritual loss. You socially come up short; you emotionally come up short; you spiritually come up short. Why? Because of the lack of healthy male comradeship. And it results in 3 things:
1. Loneliness and discouragement.
2. Foolish behaviors, and
3. Blind spots and a shortsighted masculinity.
The All-Alone Wound is self-inflicted. It’s the one wound you give yourself, but it need not be that way.
The Point
Here’s the point: every man benefits from the company of other men. Men who are pulling on him in life, in a good sense. Men who are pushing him higher, male cheerleaders for him.
A band of brothers. Every man needs it for his life. And often we have it, kind of naturally in our youth, maybe it’s our naiveté, or innocence but we tend to join with younger man and run around together in raw honesty, isn’t that right? When you were a kid – when you were in high school or even college?
But with the advent of career and wife and family, and wants, and needs, and activities, and responsibilities – those youthful friendships fade away. And new adult friendships are hard to start, aren’t they? And if we’re not careful, somewhere in our mid-20s and early 30s, we look up with all kinds of acquaintances – but no friends. We’re all alone. And we know it. We end up The Friendless Male which, by the way, is epidemic today. You go out and take a survey – survey after survey says that most men today are lonely. They know a lot of people, but they’re not known, really by anyone. They end up living lives of “quiet desperation.” Is that you? Do you feel that pain? A life of quiet desperation – disconnected from any authentic community of men - with suppressed pain and suppressed feelings, and suppressed longings, and superficial conversations and nowhere to go with it, because you’re all alone.
A study was done in (USA) Southern Methodist University and here was the conclusion of the finding on men. It says this:
“The data indicates that even the most intimate of male friendships, of which there are few, rarely approach the depths of disclosure a woman commonly has with other women. Men who neither bare themselves nor bear with one another are buddies in name only.”
It’s like one businessman who said, “you know, my business has increased tenfold this last year. It’s been unbelievable! Man, I’m movin’! It’s fast-paced; I’ve been successful, but I’m tired and I’m all alone.” That’s the friendless male - prosperous oftentimes, active - but lonely. And that kind of isolation can have significant downsides to it.
The Significant Downside to Isolation
Let me give you 4 of the downsides of being alone. And I’m not talking about not knowing anybody. We all know people. We’re more connected than we’ve ever been in this wired world, but we’re more alone than we’ve ever been, which is an odd irony. Here are the four:
1. First, a warped perspective on life. Self-deceit comes about by being disconnected. Proverbs 14:12 says this: (look at this statement) “There is a way that seems right to a man (every man thinks he’s got it figured out alone). There is a way that seems right to man, but the way therein is death.”
The point of this passage of Scripture – this wisdom statement of Solomon – is this, alone we can talk ourselves into anything. You know that, don’t you? When you’re by yourself, you can talk yourself into anything. Without the challenge of others around you that helps you have a more balanced reality, you become blind. I become blind to my own faults and my own foolish behaviors. They’re called ‘blind spots,’ and every man has them. And if you go long enough, occasionally somebody will have the courage to tell you about your blind spots. It’ll get so bad that finally somebody will come and confront you and say, “Can’t you see what you’re doing?” And the reality is alone you can’t! That’s the problem.
We have two eyes, and I’m thankful for that, but the fact is to see life well, you’ve got to have more than two eyes. To see life as it really is, it’s going to take more than two eyes. To see life balanced is going to take more than just your 2 eyes, because alone equals warped perspectives on life.
It’s interesting that there are guys walking around. Maybe it’s you. You’ll go to the office today and you’ll be walking around and because of some disconnections, people for maybe months or even years have talked about you but nobody’s ever told it to you. Everybody knows your blind spot except you, because there’s not a channel of healthy connection where that communication can be safely and constructively deposited into your life. That’s what All-Alone brings - warped perspectives.
2. Secondly, it brings loose living. Proverbs 18:1 gives this warning. Proverbs 18:1 says “He who separates himself seeks his own desire.”
When you get out of the herd and, the animal kingdom teaches this – when you’re the stray and you’re out there, you’re in danger aren’t you to all kinds of prey. Every business guy here can feel this. When you’re on a business trip alone; you’re all by yourself and no one knows you, can you not feel the pull of evil within? “I can do this; no one would know.” See, we all feel that.
And that’s just in a moment when we’re separated from the herd. When we’re regularly alone, we lose that asset, that incredible asset, called accountability for our thoughts and actions. And in that environment, anything goes. And oftentimes it does. What happens is that we can be easily doing things – and you hear man after man after man say – “I can’t believe I did that.’ But he did. But behind, back in the past, the trail leading up to that point was loneliness. He was all by himself. He who separates himself seeks his own desire. And the next part of that verse says, “and he quarrels against all sound wisdom.”
3. Thirdly, a loss of motivation for the noble things of life. Every man needs male cheerleaders, particularly in the areas that get little praise. All of us need a guy who’s cheering for us in the noble things of life. And the noble things of life – those are things that nobody cheers for one another in. We cheer for each other in our games, or you know, a promotion in our work, but who cheers for you for loving your wife? Who can you go to and talk to about something special you did with your wife and have a guy give you a high five?
That’s what friendships, real friendships do, they give us motivation for the noble things of life. And every man needs male cheerleaders.
4. Then finally, a loss of opportunity for much-needed transparency. Everybody needs to be known. Every comrade needs to be known and understood, because – when you’re talking to another man, and you feel like he understands and knows you – you know what you’re going to feel? Love. Every man needs to feel loved by other men.
It’s in isolation that we seek to attract friends that we can share our lives with. And you know what? After a while, you know what starts going on in our heads? Little voices begin to speak and these little voices say this, ‘nobody knows me; nobody cares about me; nobody understands me; nobody gives a rip about me; I’m all alone in this world.’ So we throw this Pity Party and after awhile we suffer from the ‘Three D’s: discouragement, depression and then danger. That’s what the loss of transparency brings.
These significant downsides: A warped perspective on life; Loose living- I become a law unto myself; A loss of motivation for the noble things of life- I live for less rather than the best. And then finally, a loss of opportunity for much-needed transparency. If I stay alone long enough, it becomes ‘me against the world,’ and I become angry.
Here’s the point: every man benefits from the company of other men. Men who are pulling on him in life, in a good sense. Men who are pushing him higher, male cheerleaders for him.
A band of brothers. Every man needs it for his life. And often we have it, kind of naturally in our youth, maybe it’s our naiveté, or innocence but we tend to join with younger man and run around together in raw honesty, isn’t that right? When you were a kid – when you were in high school or even college?
But with the advent of career and wife and family, and wants, and needs, and activities, and responsibilities – those youthful friendships fade away. And new adult friendships are hard to start, aren’t they? And if we’re not careful, somewhere in our mid-20s and early 30s, we look up with all kinds of acquaintances – but no friends. We’re all alone. And we know it. We end up The Friendless Male which, by the way, is epidemic today. You go out and take a survey – survey after survey says that most men today are lonely. They know a lot of people, but they’re not known, really by anyone. They end up living lives of “quiet desperation.” Is that you? Do you feel that pain? A life of quiet desperation – disconnected from any authentic community of men - with suppressed pain and suppressed feelings, and suppressed longings, and superficial conversations and nowhere to go with it, because you’re all alone.
A study was done in (USA) Southern Methodist University and here was the conclusion of the finding on men. It says this:
“The data indicates that even the most intimate of male friendships, of which there are few, rarely approach the depths of disclosure a woman commonly has with other women. Men who neither bare themselves nor bear with one another are buddies in name only.”
It’s like one businessman who said, “you know, my business has increased tenfold this last year. It’s been unbelievable! Man, I’m movin’! It’s fast-paced; I’ve been successful, but I’m tired and I’m all alone.” That’s the friendless male - prosperous oftentimes, active - but lonely. And that kind of isolation can have significant downsides to it.
The Significant Downside to Isolation
Let me give you 4 of the downsides of being alone. And I’m not talking about not knowing anybody. We all know people. We’re more connected than we’ve ever been in this wired world, but we’re more alone than we’ve ever been, which is an odd irony. Here are the four:
1. First, a warped perspective on life. Self-deceit comes about by being disconnected. Proverbs 14:12 says this: (look at this statement) “There is a way that seems right to a man (every man thinks he’s got it figured out alone). There is a way that seems right to man, but the way therein is death.”
The point of this passage of Scripture – this wisdom statement of Solomon – is this, alone we can talk ourselves into anything. You know that, don’t you? When you’re by yourself, you can talk yourself into anything. Without the challenge of others around you that helps you have a more balanced reality, you become blind. I become blind to my own faults and my own foolish behaviors. They’re called ‘blind spots,’ and every man has them. And if you go long enough, occasionally somebody will have the courage to tell you about your blind spots. It’ll get so bad that finally somebody will come and confront you and say, “Can’t you see what you’re doing?” And the reality is alone you can’t! That’s the problem.
We have two eyes, and I’m thankful for that, but the fact is to see life well, you’ve got to have more than two eyes. To see life as it really is, it’s going to take more than two eyes. To see life balanced is going to take more than just your 2 eyes, because alone equals warped perspectives on life.
It’s interesting that there are guys walking around. Maybe it’s you. You’ll go to the office today and you’ll be walking around and because of some disconnections, people for maybe months or even years have talked about you but nobody’s ever told it to you. Everybody knows your blind spot except you, because there’s not a channel of healthy connection where that communication can be safely and constructively deposited into your life. That’s what All-Alone brings - warped perspectives.
2. Secondly, it brings loose living. Proverbs 18:1 gives this warning. Proverbs 18:1 says “He who separates himself seeks his own desire.”
When you get out of the herd and, the animal kingdom teaches this – when you’re the stray and you’re out there, you’re in danger aren’t you to all kinds of prey. Every business guy here can feel this. When you’re on a business trip alone; you’re all by yourself and no one knows you, can you not feel the pull of evil within? “I can do this; no one would know.” See, we all feel that.
And that’s just in a moment when we’re separated from the herd. When we’re regularly alone, we lose that asset, that incredible asset, called accountability for our thoughts and actions. And in that environment, anything goes. And oftentimes it does. What happens is that we can be easily doing things – and you hear man after man after man say – “I can’t believe I did that.’ But he did. But behind, back in the past, the trail leading up to that point was loneliness. He was all by himself. He who separates himself seeks his own desire. And the next part of that verse says, “and he quarrels against all sound wisdom.”
3. Thirdly, a loss of motivation for the noble things of life. Every man needs male cheerleaders, particularly in the areas that get little praise. All of us need a guy who’s cheering for us in the noble things of life. And the noble things of life – those are things that nobody cheers for one another in. We cheer for each other in our games, or you know, a promotion in our work, but who cheers for you for loving your wife? Who can you go to and talk to about something special you did with your wife and have a guy give you a high five?
That’s what friendships, real friendships do, they give us motivation for the noble things of life. And every man needs male cheerleaders.
4. Then finally, a loss of opportunity for much-needed transparency. Everybody needs to be known. Every comrade needs to be known and understood, because – when you’re talking to another man, and you feel like he understands and knows you – you know what you’re going to feel? Love. Every man needs to feel loved by other men.
It’s in isolation that we seek to attract friends that we can share our lives with. And you know what? After a while, you know what starts going on in our heads? Little voices begin to speak and these little voices say this, ‘nobody knows me; nobody cares about me; nobody understands me; nobody gives a rip about me; I’m all alone in this world.’ So we throw this Pity Party and after awhile we suffer from the ‘Three D’s: discouragement, depression and then danger. That’s what the loss of transparency brings.
These significant downsides: A warped perspective on life; Loose living- I become a law unto myself; A loss of motivation for the noble things of life- I live for less rather than the best. And then finally, a loss of opportunity for much-needed transparency. If I stay alone long enough, it becomes ‘me against the world,’ and I become angry.
The Scripture speaks of the importance of being connected.
Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”
Proverbs 18:24 says, “There is a friend (there’s a friend out there) who sticks closer than a brother.” A friend can do something a brother never could.
Proverbs 18:24 says, “There is a friend (there’s a friend out there) who sticks closer than a brother.” A friend can do something a brother never could.
In Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, Solomon says, “Two are better than one; for if either of them fall, the one will lift up his companion, but woe to him if there is not another.” Woe to him if there is not another to lift him up.
Proverbs 17:17 says “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
Proverbs 17:17 says “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
Hebrews 10:24 says, “Let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds.” Because real friends call you up – not down.
1 Samuel 20:17 introduces us to this wonderful friendship story about Jonathan and David. It says there, “and Jonathan loved David as his own life.” That’s how close they were. In fact, in another verse it says, “the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David.” Now that’s a bond. And happy is the man who has – just has one of those kinds of big connections. Because, life is a team sport! Never forget that. One of the great principles of life – it’s a team sport.
What You Can Do
So what can you do?
1. First, learn the three keys to friendship. Here they are:
a) Loyalty. One of the things about friendship that makes friends go deep and last is an unwavering loyalty to one another. That means you’re there for the other person. In the good times you; in the tough times you support one another; in the terrible times, you hold one another. But you’re there.
What You Can Do
So what can you do?
1. First, learn the three keys to friendship. Here they are:
a) Loyalty. One of the things about friendship that makes friends go deep and last is an unwavering loyalty to one another. That means you’re there for the other person. In the good times you; in the tough times you support one another; in the terrible times, you hold one another. But you’re there.
b) Secondly, faithfulness to our values. Every friendship is built on common values. And common values, spoken or unspoken, I don’t know if you’ve ever thought about that, are at the very core of friendships. And if you betray those common values you fracture the friendship.
Real friendships are based on something a lot deeper. It’s when you join together with another Comrade for life, there are some common values there that you hold on to and support and encourage. Whether you fully identify them or not - -if you think of a good friend, start thinking about what are our values that draw us together? That’s what we adhere around.
c) Then finally, encouragement – because that’s what friendship is all about – encouraging one another.
c) Then finally, encouragement – because that’s what friendship is all about – encouraging one another.
if you’re going to have any friends, you’ve got to follow these 3 principles of loyalty, faithfulness to some common values and encouragement.
2. Secondly, reach out to other men. Now – This takes courage as an adult. Some of your youthful friendships have faded away or moved away, and you find yourself kind of lonely and say, “I want some friends.” You’re going to have to step up. You’re going to have to reach out to some other guys and that takes courage, because sometime there might be somebody you want to develop a friendship with, but they don’t want to develop a friendship with you, and it feels like you’ve been rejected.
But there are ways to do that; to be proactive in that. If there’s another guy that you say, ‘you know, I think I’d like to be a friend to that guy.’ Invite him out to lunch. Invite him to go to some activity. You be the proactive one, though. Don’t sit back and throw a pity party! Start reaching out to guys. There may be some, you know – like Sports– you just don’t catch them, but maybe there’s a guy that you’ll begin to connect with. And he begins to call you. One day you maybe you need to even be courageous enough to look over across the table and say, ‘You know, Alex. I really enjoy our friendship.’ That’s kind of like ‘wanna sign a contract?’ And he reaches back and says, ‘you know, I really enjoy our friendship, too.’ Now we’re going somewhere. And then that loyalty and that faithfulness and that encouragement kick in. You’ve got a life-long friend. Happy is the man who has even one of them! Reach out to other men.
3. Thirdly, challenge men that you like. Okay? You just have a natural chemistry with a man. Ask him to meet regularly with you to get better, just to get better. Proverbs 13:20 says: “He who walks with the wise grows wise. But the companion of fools suffers harm.”
If I were a young man, I’d look around and start saying, ‘who are the guys who are doing it well?’ I’d want to get with them! how do you get with them? Maybe they’re not going to be your best friend, but there are some ways to get with guys to get better. Let me just give you some ways that you can do that.
First, you can say, ‘hey, let’s get into a Bible study that will stretch, not just your mind, but your spirit. And if that’s a foreign thing for you, let it be an adventure – a field trip. Get some other guys and see what that great Book is all about.
Or maybe form a prayer team together and stretch your connection with God together. It forms and forges friendships.
Or maybe you get together with the guys in your Men's Group and you say ‘let’s keep meeting.’. Or maybe there’s a mentoring relationship you can enter into. You come along side a young guy and say, ‘let’s start getting together. I’d like to talk to you about life.’ And it doesn’t mean that you’ve done it well. You may have not done it well at all! But that’s what he needs to hear: how you didn’t do it well so he won’t make your mistakes, but be encouraged by it.
But here’s what happens: when men just start getting groups together – just to get better – what happens in the midst of those groups is, in the midst of that kind of – what I call ‘social party’ – they’ll notice certain guys in there and out of that, life-long friendships get formed. So challenge a group of guys to get together. A lot of men are just sitting there in waiting – that’s what I think happens to a lot of men. It’s kind of like – when you used to go to a dance in high School – and the girls would sit on one side and the guys on the other side? They’re just waiting for each other. That’s the way I think male friendships are – there are guys on both sides just waiting for each other. Somebody needs to get up and go to the other side, and tap somebody and say, “Hey, let’s dance.” And, out of that, after a while, a relationship is formed. So, that’s what you need to do.
4. Fourthly, get real with another guy and share your heart, because real friendships go beyond the small talk about sports, and weather and politics. It gives way to ‘soul talk.’ Here’s how you know you’re in soul talk. It’s when you start talking about your needs and your dreams, and your doubts, and your failures; and your struggles and your temptations; and your spiritual insights. When you get down at that level, we’re talking substance there. And every man wants to talk there. One of the things I love about being in certain groups, where you’re just given the permission to doubt, it’s just people walking around with all kinds of questions about life, and just want to talk to somebody, but they’re afraid. It’s a great moment to have a place where you can talk about anything and everything. And feel safe. You can unload your soul with another man, which is the richest kind of relationship.
5. And then finally, enjoy life together – because nothing draws men closer together than activity. That’s how guys bond a lot of times. They forge together in the midst of shared experiences.
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2. Secondly, reach out to other men. Now – This takes courage as an adult. Some of your youthful friendships have faded away or moved away, and you find yourself kind of lonely and say, “I want some friends.” You’re going to have to step up. You’re going to have to reach out to some other guys and that takes courage, because sometime there might be somebody you want to develop a friendship with, but they don’t want to develop a friendship with you, and it feels like you’ve been rejected.
But there are ways to do that; to be proactive in that. If there’s another guy that you say, ‘you know, I think I’d like to be a friend to that guy.’ Invite him out to lunch. Invite him to go to some activity. You be the proactive one, though. Don’t sit back and throw a pity party! Start reaching out to guys. There may be some, you know – like Sports– you just don’t catch them, but maybe there’s a guy that you’ll begin to connect with. And he begins to call you. One day you maybe you need to even be courageous enough to look over across the table and say, ‘You know, Alex. I really enjoy our friendship.’ That’s kind of like ‘wanna sign a contract?’ And he reaches back and says, ‘you know, I really enjoy our friendship, too.’ Now we’re going somewhere. And then that loyalty and that faithfulness and that encouragement kick in. You’ve got a life-long friend. Happy is the man who has even one of them! Reach out to other men.
3. Thirdly, challenge men that you like. Okay? You just have a natural chemistry with a man. Ask him to meet regularly with you to get better, just to get better. Proverbs 13:20 says: “He who walks with the wise grows wise. But the companion of fools suffers harm.”
If I were a young man, I’d look around and start saying, ‘who are the guys who are doing it well?’ I’d want to get with them! how do you get with them? Maybe they’re not going to be your best friend, but there are some ways to get with guys to get better. Let me just give you some ways that you can do that.
First, you can say, ‘hey, let’s get into a Bible study that will stretch, not just your mind, but your spirit. And if that’s a foreign thing for you, let it be an adventure – a field trip. Get some other guys and see what that great Book is all about.
Or maybe form a prayer team together and stretch your connection with God together. It forms and forges friendships.
Or maybe you get together with the guys in your Men's Group and you say ‘let’s keep meeting.’. Or maybe there’s a mentoring relationship you can enter into. You come along side a young guy and say, ‘let’s start getting together. I’d like to talk to you about life.’ And it doesn’t mean that you’ve done it well. You may have not done it well at all! But that’s what he needs to hear: how you didn’t do it well so he won’t make your mistakes, but be encouraged by it.
But here’s what happens: when men just start getting groups together – just to get better – what happens in the midst of those groups is, in the midst of that kind of – what I call ‘social party’ – they’ll notice certain guys in there and out of that, life-long friendships get formed. So challenge a group of guys to get together. A lot of men are just sitting there in waiting – that’s what I think happens to a lot of men. It’s kind of like – when you used to go to a dance in high School – and the girls would sit on one side and the guys on the other side? They’re just waiting for each other. That’s the way I think male friendships are – there are guys on both sides just waiting for each other. Somebody needs to get up and go to the other side, and tap somebody and say, “Hey, let’s dance.” And, out of that, after a while, a relationship is formed. So, that’s what you need to do.
4. Fourthly, get real with another guy and share your heart, because real friendships go beyond the small talk about sports, and weather and politics. It gives way to ‘soul talk.’ Here’s how you know you’re in soul talk. It’s when you start talking about your needs and your dreams, and your doubts, and your failures; and your struggles and your temptations; and your spiritual insights. When you get down at that level, we’re talking substance there. And every man wants to talk there. One of the things I love about being in certain groups, where you’re just given the permission to doubt, it’s just people walking around with all kinds of questions about life, and just want to talk to somebody, but they’re afraid. It’s a great moment to have a place where you can talk about anything and everything. And feel safe. You can unload your soul with another man, which is the richest kind of relationship.
5. And then finally, enjoy life together – because nothing draws men closer together than activity. That’s how guys bond a lot of times. They forge together in the midst of shared experiences.
👍🏽 Robert Lewis
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