First of all, I said Manhood is in a state of
confusion today. What I want you comrades to recognize is right below the surface
of today’s society, is a kind of cauldron of confusion of men who don’t really
know what it means to be a man.
Well, they know generally, kind of how a man acts in certain
ways; knows how to make a living; knows he needs to get married; but as far as
what it is that’s noble and right about a man -- substantive in a man’s soul –
he’s lost. And so he kind of catches every little wind that comes through the
culture, thinking “maybe that’s what it means to be a man.” But there’s not
anything permanent that can last for a lifetime.
I also told you that along with that confusion,
there is no compelling vision that calls a man up. There are a lot of things --
as you comrades know -- that call a man down. But very few things, especially very
few visions, that really call a man up to be the kind of man he really needs to
be.
I also made a few promises to you. I just want to
remind you of the 5 promises that I gave to you.
First of all, I said that if you could stick with me the
whole series, you would have
a clear, compelling definition of what it meant to be a man.
I also said that you will have a manhood language that would
allow you to converse with other men in this space in a substantive way for
your life, that would call you up.
I told you that, you
would make some significant discoveries about yourself. And I want you to know
the reason I can make that promise is because men who’ve been in the program in
the past – some of those men have not only made significant discoveries, but
some of the most life-changing discoveries of their whole life. According to
their wives and friends and family, by the end of the program, they walked out
different men and have remained different men. And a much better man at that.
Then lastly I said that if you finish the series, you would leave with your own personal manhood plan – FOR YOU -- that would be your vision for your life.
Tomorrow, I’m going to share with you a draft of that plan. We’re going to walk through it so you can get underway. But just to let you know, that’s the most important thing that you will do, is that you will script for yourself a plan – a noble plan – that will call you, for your own personal life and your own personal situation UP! And in the soul of every man, he wants to go up.
Manhood’s Four Faces
As we embark on our journey into authentic manhood, It is good to start today by giving an initial vision of what a real man looks like. What the world is needing from men today is a life of balance. A real man is a balance of 4 expressions. Today I’m going to give you four faces of manhood, each complementing the other; each synchronizing with the other; each balancing the other. And this is what the world is looking for, and in some ways, this is what we’re looking for. So let me give you the four faces of manhood. Here’s the first face:
1️⃣It is called the King Face. The face of the King. This face doesn’t come easily in a man’s life. The fact is this face has to be cultivated over time. There has to be a number of ingredients that go into helping a man put this face on. It’s through parents, mentors, heroes, stories, faith; persevering through special problems. It comes about through integrating his religion/faith into his life. All of which creates in the soul of a man over time.
This principle is forged in the crucible of this man’s life: a love of the right. That’s the King Face. It’s the love of the right. The love of right over comfort and circumstances.
It’s the face a man shows when he’s asked to cheat on a
business deal. It’s the face a man shows when it comes time to keep his
promise, although now keeping his promise is going to be extremely difficult.
It’s the face a man shows when he makes good on his debt. The face shows when
he risks his own life to save another person, or when he’s on a business trip
and he’s propositioned by a female companion. It’s the face he shows when he
could take advantage of someone else, but he chooses not to. Or he stands up to
a good friend whose life is out of control, and risks the friendship in order
to call the friend back to what is noble, and what is just. It’s that face he
shows without blinking in the face of danger. It’s the fact that doesn’t waiver
– even though he knows there are risks and consequences by standing up to that
which is ignoble and wrong. It is the King Face.
This is the face that reflects righteous energy. In the Bible you see that face reflected in
the prophet Nathan who comes to King David to confront him about his secret
adultery. Knowing that when he confronts the king, he’s laying it all on the
line, and the king with just a word could either banish him from the kingdom
forever, or have him put to death. And yet, he looks into the face of a king
and says, “You are the man! And you’re wrong.” It’s also the face that King
David who, on hearing the words of a righteous man, instead of saying ‘I did
not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Bathsheba.’ In the midst of
being confronted with the wrong, he put on the King Face. And he says, “I’ve
sinned. You’re right; I’ve done wrong.”
This face is characterized by a number of things. It’s
characterized by strong convictions, courageous moral choices, a servant
spirit, righteous leadership.
And as I noted, it doesn’t come easily. It is forged in the
crucible of life. Now every comrade is in the process of developing or
snuffing out the King Face in your life. Because it comes with those decisions
– sometimes, like climbing a mountain, the small hills at the beginning of your
life – and sometimes the issues get much greater and grander, but each time you
scale the summit, the King Face grows stronger and brighter.
You see that King Face in Scripture in verses like this:
Proverbs 4:18, it says: “But the path of the righteous is like the light of the
dawn that shines brighter and brighter until the full day.” Now I know when you
read that verse, it’s a little bit poetic, but look at it for a moment. You
know everyday begins with dawn. Then the sun will come up and it will grow stronger and
stronger, and brighter, and brighter in its intensity through the day. The writer
of Proverbs tells us that’s what righteousness is like in life. It grows
stronger through life.
A man who puts on the King Face grows stronger through his
life. His life doesn’t fade. A lot of us, know that there are a lot
of exploits of comrades in the early days who did a lot of things that were wrong.
They thought it was cool to sleep around on their wife, or to party all night,
or whatever. But you know, that kind of lifestyle over a period of time grows
weaker through the years, doesn’t it? But not the righteous, they start with
small light, and as life goes on, their manhood gets brighter and brighter
until the full day. And that’s what the writer is saying here. The King Face is
part of manhood.
He also says in Proverbs 20:7 these words; “A righteous man who walks in his integrity, how blessed are his sons after him.” Now for those of us who have sons, that should mean a lot. Because there are a lot of things you can give your sons: trips, gear, time with dad, showing up at his school games, big hugs, but what the writer of Proverbs says is the thing that you can give your son the most is your integrity. How blessed are sons after him, because you build into their soul a substance that they can’t get anywhere else, and it builds a solid core out of which they can live their own life. But if that core isn’t built, then they are like a paper house. How blessed are the sons after him! This is what the King Face is all about; it’s a man who reflects righteous energy all through his life, and he grows brighter through the years. And you know what? By the time you get to be 50 and 60, and you look around, you don’t compare wealth and houses and cars so much anymore; you compare character. And your good name – if you still have one. That’s what the King Face is all about.
2️⃣ Then there’s a second face that a man wears. It’s
called the Warrior Face. It’s the warrior face that says, ‘We can take the
company national! Let’s do it!’ It’s the Warrior Face that says ‘you know, I’m
going to lose weight.’ And then it does. It’s the Warrior Face that says ‘I’m
going to repay that debt, even though I don’t know how I’m going to get out of
debt.’ That’s the Warrior Face. And as you know, that face is the most honored
and celebrated of all the men’s faces. We love warriors, don’t we? We love to
celebrate men who are warriors. We celebrate the warriors in legendary figures
like Shaka Zulu, Washington or Alexander the Great. We love to celebrate the
warriors in business leaders like Dangote or Elon Musk or Donald Trump. Or
sports warriors like Usain Bolt or Kiprotich, KK, Messi, CR9, Mosalah. We go the movies
and we enjoy seeing fictional warriors, like a gladiator, or even a real-life
replay of real warriors. All that stirs the soul of a man because there’s
something within us that enjoys a good fight. And that’s the Warrior Face. It’s
the man who can take life head-on and win; It’s the man who works the hardest or the
longest and outlasts the competition. We like the Warrior Face. Now sometimes
the Warrior Face can get out of control. Sometimes we can enjoy that in a
humorous way.
Well, sometimes the warrior comes out in us in extremes, and we get out of control, but here’s what I want you to know about the warrior. This is a face reflecting conquering energy.
Conquering energy. This is the face characterized by initiative. The warrior goes out after. It’s the face characterized by protecting. The warrior is the one who shields and defends. It provides. It goes out and gets and says, ‘I’m going to take care of you. No matter what it takes.’ It’s the face that perseveres in the midst of all kinds of adversity, when when the marriage seems getting worse, or in financial/housing/fees/Jobs trouble . It goes on. It’s the face that fights. Not allowing evil laws pass without being contested, without a fight, Not Passive. The only condition for evil to thrive is for good men to do nothing. Warriors are not quitters even in the face of opposition e.g Nehemiah, And the true Warrior Face is not a destructive force. It’s a very positive energy force. Warriors don’t say ‘I don’t need to finish this. I’ve worked hard, but this is just too much.’
Warriors says “We’re going to get this done. But that comes through that kind of conquering energy. “I’m not going to quit! I’m going to finish!” “ I’m going to pay it back.” “I’m going to get the job done!” “We’re going to make this work!” All that comes from an energy within. It’s called the Warrior.
You see that in Scripture where in 1 Timothy, it says these words.
Paul is writing to a young man and I think as he writes to the young man, he’s
calling – and this is what men need to do – he’s calling the warrior out of
this younger man. So he says to Timothy: “Pursue righteousness and godliness
and faith, and love and perseverance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of
faith and take hold [the word really means ‘to seize.’] seize the eternal life
for which you were called.” Now I want you to look at just those terms for a
moment, because those are what I call noble upturns. Godliness, righteousness,
faith. Those things are not easily seized in any man’s life. Love,
perseverance. Those are the kinds of things that you have to work hard for –
you have to fight for. And it takes a while to take hold of those things. But
here’s an older man, looking into a young man’s face and calling the warrior
out, saying, ‘Take up the sword and make these things work for your life. Bring
them into your life.” But it comes through the warrior.
3️⃣Here’s a third face, the face of the Lover. The Lover is a face that is as unnatural to man as the Warrior is natural, because love is more difficult for most of us as men. It’s the Lover that picks up his wife’s real needs; it’s the Lover who is willing to let go of another good job/work/business deal in order to spend more time at home. It’s the Lover who can open his heart and share the things that he really feels, rather than hide those because he feels like he has to have a front for strength. But he can crack open the door and share the hurt in his life and the pain, and he can connect around that kind of sensitivity of feelings in a world of emotion.
This is the face, reflecting romantic energy. This is the face characterized by tenderness, sensitivity, sacrificial care, emotional openness, physical affection.
Well, this face is seen in Scripture in such verses as Ephesians 5:25, when the Apostle Paul gives a tall order to men in every generation. He says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church.” And he says – here’s how He loved the church.
Here’s how you are to put on the face of the Lover. Jesus Christ gave Himself up for the church, and if you are a husband who knows how to love, you’ll give yourselves up for your wives, as well. The face of the Lover.
4️⃣Then finally there is the face of the Friend. You know, many men don’t have friends.
I’m talking about real friends, and part of the reason we don’t have friends,
at least in the world we’re living – the kind of friends that connect with us
at a soul level -- is quite frankly, we don’t have time for friends, do we? We
want a friend – we want that person to give us his time; to invest in us, and
talk to us, and support us, but we just don’t have the time.
And so, we live in these very superficial relationships,
where no one around us do we feel close enough to, to really trust with the
secret things of our life. And no one that we’ll let talk tough to us when
someone needs to get in our face. That requires time.
And what’s true of mountain climbing is true of manhood. You
can’t climb the mountain of manhood disconnected from other men. It’s almost a
universal principle that if you’re going to be well, it is a universal
principle – if you’re going to be the kind of man you’re supposed to be – you
have to be connected with other men who can speak into your life; who can call
out the best in you; who can cheer for your successes; admire your efforts and
be your friend, because that’s what a real friend is.
This a face reflecting connecting energy – the Friend face.
And it’s characterized by things like loyalty, and accountability and
challenge; and fun. We need men who can connect with some other men on
something more than just the superficialities of life e.g Soccer, BBQ etc. You
we need, in some way connect – join –
with some other man where we can begin to talk with a man about some of the
deep things in our hearts. It’s also a friend who comes around who has noticed
in your life the good things where no one else is noticing – and compliments
you on it. It’s the Friend who comes up along side you when he sees you
beginning to stray from the path and because of the deep relationship that you
have, he can call you back. But a lot of comrades don’t have friends because they
themselves are not friend-worthy.
Are you friend-worthy? To be friend-worthy means you have to
– you have to have connecting energy to other men. You have to be willing to
risk and to reach out, and to spend time with and cultivate another
relationship.
Here’s the way the Scripture says it. In Proverbs 17:17, it
says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” I bet
for some of you – and where you are in life,
because of the adversity that you’re in, you say, “I’d love to have a comrade like
that next to me right now.” But a friend loves at all times. Scripture also
says in Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” We
need another man rubbing up against us to rub off some of the hard spots in our
life. That takes friendships.
So these four faces are the four faces of manhood. Hopefully, synchronized and balanced together. The King Face; the Warrior Face; the Lover Face; the Friend Face. Now what I want to do in conclusion is make just a few final – but important observations about these faces.
Some Important Observations About These Four Faces
Here’s the first. All too often these honorable faces of
manhood are replaced by some ugly caricatures.
The King face – if we lean too far to the right of the King Face you don’t get the King anymore – you get a tyrant. Isn’t that right? And if you lean too far to the left on a King Face you don’t get a king who’s got righteous energy you’ve got an abdicator. You’ve got someone who has compromised himself; has thrown down the sword and surrendered righteousness.
The Warrior Face—if you lean too far to the right, you don’t
get a real warrior; you get a destroyer. You get someone who’s abusive, harsh –
a person who hurts, not only himself, but his family. If he leans too far to
the left, you don’t get a warrior at all – you get a wimp. Someone who’s – who
has no conquering energy; just gives up – surrenders. When you see that in
sports – when you see – after a game, or when the score gets too far ahead, you
can see the opponent drop his head and he’s surrendered. The warrior’s gone.
These great hulks of men – the warrior spirit has left them. A lot of the guys
who have given up the warrior – it’s not worth it.
The Lover Face, if you lean too far to the right, you become critical and harsh. You’re not someone who people are drawn to, much less your family, or your sons or daughters because you are constantly critiquing them, and very rarely are you loving them. Pointing out what they did wrong, rather than embellishing what they did right. Not picking up on the real needs because oftentimes you’re so focused on your own. If you lean too far to the left, you become cold and withdrawn. You become a rock and an island. Disconnected from the love relationships around you.
You could be a
Friend but if you lean too far to the right, you become a user. Someone said the world would speed up so
quick to where – rather than have friends – we would take them, use them, throw them away. That’s
how we treat our friends. Lean too far to the right, you become a user. If you
lean too far to the left, you become a loner: the disconnected guy; the
friendless male.
Often the honorable faces become ugly caricatures. And then
the world reacts to men and it says, “See! All men are brutes! All men are
insensitive!” All Men are the same. Have you heard those words before? “All men
are loners! They just use people.” Oftentimes, those are the faces, but they’re
just caricatures of the real deal.
Because of our morally compromised culture, many men today
lack the King in their life. And without a King the Warrior becomes
unrestrained. If you don’t have a King in your life, the Warrior can become
unrestrained, hurting lives, including your own in the process. You see, if
what a man has in his life is a strong Warrior but a weak King, the Warrior
gets out of control. It begins to rob and pillage and cheat and fornicate, and
beat and abuse, and over-indulge, because there is no King riding the Warrior,
and helping the Warrior live for the right things. The Warrior without a King
is a destroyer. And oftentimes that’s happened today in our world where our
world kind of honors a dubbed-down immoral masculinity.
Our increasing feminized culture has emasculated the Warrior
in many young men. The result has been the creation of what I call the soft
male, indecisive as to direction and weak as to leadership.
We live in a culture that increasingly disconnects father
from sons and really, in the last 30 years, has really spurred on the Warrior
spirit in women. And as men have grown quiet in that environment, and as young
men are raised primarily in overly dominated female environments, what it’s
done is it’s stolen the Warrior out of a lot of young men’s lives. They’ve
grown up where the Warrior has been suppressed because the right spirit of a
Warrior is usually called out of a young man by older men, calling him to
become that kind of Warrior.
But oftentimes, in a female environment the Warrior is
downplayed or suppressed. And what you
get is what I call the ‘feminized man.’ Not the effeminate man who has feminine
characteristics – the feminized man who can be strong and tough-looking on the
outside, but when it comes to initiative, they wait. When it comes to
leadership, they’re soft. When it comes for the moment of decision, they defer
– often to a woman. And the reason they do is because the Warrior is gone –
instead it’s the ‘soft male.’ Here’s what I want you to know and this is the
last point today, and we’ll close.
Our world today is desperate to see in men this four-faced
balance of manhood. That’s what our world wants to see, North, South, East and
West. Those are the four points on a compass. Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall –
those are four seasons in the year. Earth, wind, fire, water – those are four
elements on the earth. King, Warrior, Lover, Friend – those are the four faces
of manhood.
And Comrades, here’s the question for you today: When you look in the mirror, what kind of man do you see? Next week, we’re going to start unwrapping in earnest our own manhood.
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