Winning #11: A Man and His Work

Before we begin this session, I want to reemphasize something extremely important. Take the time to ask yourself, “What can carry me forward? That is what the 10 Key Moves are all about. They are not simply about what you are doing now; they are about what you will do when this journey is finished. Where will you go from there?

One of the most powerful ways to process what you are learning is to write it down. There is something about putting a goal on paper that makes it tangible. What remains only in your head can easily become “out of sight, out of mind.” So, finish your sheet. Write down the moves you intend to make.

If you want to make the most of your life, if you want to become the kind of man who makes a genuine difference in his family, his work, and his world, then do not simply listen—process, write, plan, and act.

I. MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL

Think back over where we have been. The first third of our journey focused on the woman who is most important in our lives. For many of us, that is our wife; for some, it may be a girlfriend. We spent significant time learning how to understand women, strengthen our marriages and relationships, and develop the relational skills necessary to love a woman well.

The second chapter focused on our homes, particularly our sons and daughters. We explored how to engage our children strategically and how to make intentional investments in their lives that can last a lifetime. We discovered that raising great children does not happen accidentally. It requires vision, intentionality, and courage.

Now we turn our attention to another major area of our lives: work.

When we began this journey, we talked about the two great mirrors in every man's life. Those mirrors provide a daily reflection of who we are and how we are doing. They can influence our self-worth, our self-esteem, and even our sense of happiness.

Those two mirrors are the Mirror of Home and the Mirror of Work.

For a man to experience genuine wholeness, he cannot afford to win in one mirror while consistently losing in the other. Success at work cannot compensate indefinitely for failure at home, and success at home cannot erase the consequences of a dysfunctional working life. A man needs to learn how to win in both.

A. The Secret of the First Mirror: When it comes to home, the difference between average and winning big is often in a few, small, unnatural but “on-target” behavioral adjustments a man chooses to make.

Let us begin by reviewing the first mirror—the Mirror at Home. We spent ten sessions looking into this mirror and asking ourselves a penetrating question: “Mirror, mirror on the wall, am I doing any good at all?”

Every day, a man looks into this mirror. Sometimes what he sees energizes him. His wife is thriving. His children respect him. His home is becoming a place of peace, love, and strength. He walks away encouraged.

Other times, the mirror can slap him in the face. He sees conflict, distance, disappointment, or neglect. Instead of feeling energized, he feels drained.

The Mirror of Home is a powerful reflection of a man's sense of worth. But here is the secret: a good reflection does not happen automatically.

You do not get a good reflection simply by showing up. You do not get it by doing whatever comes naturally. In fact, one of the most important lessons we learned is that when it comes to relationships, doing what comes naturally can sometimes be lethal.

The difference between an average man and a man who wins big at home is often found in a few small, deliberate, unnatural—but precisely targeted—behavioral adjustments.

Notice those words: few and small.

Greatness is often separated from average performance by surprisingly small differences. A few seconds can separate elite athletic performance from ordinary performance. A few points can separate one academic opportunity from another. In the same way, a few small behaviors can make the difference between being an ordinary husband and becoming an extraordinary one.

Think about what we learned. Stop guessing about your wife's needs. Ask her. Discover her top needs and intentionally meet them.

Discover her love language and speak it regularly.

Understand her personality instead of spending your life trying to change her. She is not a project to be remodeled, just as you are not hers. Learn how to adjust wisely to one another.

Stop trying to win every argument. Learn to search for the fertile middle ground where both people can win.

And when it comes to your children, stop merely being around them and start parenting them intentionally. Develop a plan for raising great sons and daughters.

These are not necessarily dramatic changes. They are small adjustments, but their impact can be enormous.

There is another word in our statement that deserves attention: unnatural.

That word takes us back to the Paradox Principle we learned in Session One. The first question the Paradox Principle asks is: “Do I get it?”

The wise man's answer is, “No, I don't.”

That answer puts him in the posture of learning. It is a humble posture, but it is also a powerful one.

Whenever you enter a critical area of life—marriage, parenting, work, leadership, or personal growth—the smartest thing you can say is, “I don't know everything I need to know, but I am willing to learn.”

That response may feel unnatural, but it is exactly what maturity requires.

Success at home is often unnatural to a man because it requires him to learn skills that do not always come naturally. He must listen when he wants to fix. He must speak when he would rather withdraw. He must apologize when his pride wants to defend itself. He must show affection when he is focused on tasks. He must slow down when he wants to hurry.

But when he learns and practices those small, intentional skills, something remarkable happens. He looks into the Mirror of Home and sees a better reflection.

He walks out of the house with his head up and his heart strengthened. That positive energy affects how he enters the world of work.

But if he simply “shows up” at home and does whatever comes naturally, the mirror may frown back at him. His emotional energy drains away, and he carries that depletion into his work.

That is why winning at home matters.

B. A Man's Work Mirror

Now we turn the corner and face the second mirror: the Mirror of Work.

The workplace can be complicated. We work with people, and people can be unpredictable. Sometimes management makes decisions that seem irrational. Sometimes communication is confusing. Sometimes policies seem almost designed to create frustration.

The workplace can make us laugh, but it can also make us crazy.

More importantly, work is deeply personal.

A man can look into his work mirror and hear questions like:

“I'm stuck. What do I do?”

“My boss doesn't have a clue what I'm capable of.”

“I'm being micromanaged, and I'm suffocating.”

“I'm terrified to try something new, but I hate what I'm doing now.”

“Nobody values or appreciates me here.”

“I'm bored. Every day feels exactly the same.”

“There has to be more to life than this.”

“Am I really making a difference?”

And perhaps the most painful question of all: “I'm successful, so why aren't I happy?”

Most men have experienced at least some of these emotions. That is why this conversation about work matters so much.

The goal is not merely to help you survive your job. The goal is to help you develop a healthier perspective on work, evaluate where you are, and have the courage to make whatever adjustments are necessary so that when you look into this mirror, it can smile back at you.

II. SOME INTRODUCTORY THOUGHTS ABOUT WORK

Before we go deeper, let us consider several important observations about work.

A. Most men define themselves by what they do.

When men meet one another, one of the first questions is usually, “What do you do?”

Why?

Because men tend to define themselves by action, achievement, accomplishment, and performance. Work becomes part of our identity. It is one of the primary ways we measure ourselves and evaluate one another.

For many men, work is not simply something they do. It becomes part of who they believe they are.

That is why unemployment, career failure, retirement, or professional disappointment can affect a man's identity so deeply.

B. According to Psychology Today, “one's career is probably the most important influence on one's perception of ‘quality of life.’”

Work has enormous influence on how many men perceive their lives. Career satisfaction can affect confidence, emotional well-being, relationships, and overall happiness.

A man's work and his sense of personal value often become close companions. When work is going well, he may feel strong. When work is failing, his confidence can suffer.

That is why we must learn to think about work wisely rather than casually.

C. Men spend more time in the workplace than anywhere else.

A significant portion of a man's waking life is spent working. That means the workplace is not a small part of life—it is a major part of life.

If work occupies such a substantial portion of our time, then we need to understand how to approach it wisely. We cannot simply leave our values, character, faith, and purpose at the door.

D. According to a Gallup survey, almost 80% of men feel miscast in their jobs.

Whether or not the precise percentage applies universally today, the underlying reality is important: many people feel misplaced, underutilized, or disconnected from their work.

Stephen Covey observed that despite technological advances, innovation, and expanding markets, many people still do not feel fulfilled or excited by their organizations. They feel frustrated and powerless to change their circumstances.

Finding the right fit matters.

A man who continually feels misplaced may eventually begin to wonder whether something is wrong with him. Sometimes the problem is not his value; it is simply that he is in the wrong environment or role.

E. Finding deeper meaning and purpose in work is becoming more important for those in a career or choosing one.

Many people no longer want a job that merely pays the bills. They want purpose.

Previous generations often emphasized stability: “Get a job and keep it.” Today, many people also ask, “Does this work matter? Does it contribute to something worthwhile?”

That hunger for meaning is significant.

People want to know that their effort matters beyond a paycheck. They want to contribute, serve, create, solve problems, build something, help people, or advance a cause.

The question is no longer merely, “How much do I make?”

Increasingly, it is also, “What am I making possible?”

F. Work and work-related issues are major themes of the Bible.

Work is important to God.

The biblical story begins with God working. In Genesis, humanity is created and then given work. Adam is placed in the garden and given responsibility to cultivate and protect it.

He receives a task, a responsibility, resources, an opportunity for development, and a larger vision.

Work was not introduced as a punishment. Work was part of God's original design for humanity.

That means our work matters to God—not simply because of what we produce, but because of the character, stewardship, service, creativity, and responsibility expressed through it.

G. 90% of all Christians have never read a book, heard a sermon, or listened to a teaching that focuses specifically on the workplace.

Whether the precise figure remains applicable is less important than the observation behind it: the workplace has often received far less attention in Christian teaching than it deserves.

Churches may teach extensively about marriage, parenting, spiritual disciplines, and personal morality while giving relatively little attention to how Christians should live from Monday to Friday.

That leaves many Christian men without a framework for integrating faith and work.

H. Many Christian men do not know how to take Jesus Christ with them to work.

For many men, faith and work become two separate worlds.

At church, they are one kind of man. At home, perhaps another. At work, they can become someone entirely different.

Their Christian convictions somehow disappear when they walk through the office door.

But Christianity was never designed to operate only inside church buildings. Our faith should shape how we lead, negotiate, manage, serve, compete, communicate, handle money, respond to pressure, treat employees, deal with difficult people, and make decisions.

The challenge is learning how to bring our faith into the workplace in a way that is authentic, wise, respectful, and winsome.

I. Many Christian men have haunting, unanswered questions when it comes to their work.

1. Is there one right job for me?

Many men wonder whether there is one perfect career they were designed to pursue.

Perhaps there is a calling, but we should also recognize that God can use us in many different environments. The issue is not always finding the perfect job. It is learning how to faithfully use our gifts, character, opportunities, and responsibilities wherever God places us.

2. Does my work really matter to God?

Does God care about installing air-conditioning systems, managing a clothing store, developing property, designing software, repairing machines, teaching students, running a business, or managing people?

Yes. Work matters when it is done honestly, skillfully, responsibly, and for purposes that honor God.

3. How does God work at work?

Can Christian principles actually function in the workplace?

Can integrity, truthfulness, humility, diligence, courage, generosity, and servant leadership succeed in a competitive environment?

These are important questions, and they deserve serious answers.

4. How much work is too much?

Work can be good, but work can also become an idol.

A man can become so committed to succeeding professionally that he sacrifices his marriage, children, health, friendships, spiritual life, and soul.

The challenge is not merely learning how to work hard. It is learning when enough is enough.

III. KEY MOTIVATIONS BEHIND A MAN'S WORK

A. Why Work?

Why do we go to work every day?

What is really behind the effort we give from morning to evening?

Most of us have probably never stopped long enough to ask.

Here are eight motivations that can drive a man's work:

1. Because I have to. (2 Thessalonians 3:10)

Work carries responsibility. Scripture teaches that a person should not expect to consume without contributing.

Sometimes we work simply because we must.

2. Because I want to meet my needs and the needs of my family. (1 Timothy 5:8)

Providing for ourselves and our families is a legitimate and important motivation.

A man's work can become an expression of love and responsibility.

3. Because I desire to have a certain standard of living. (Ecclesiastes 5:19)

There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting a comfortable life.

Work can provide resources that allow us to enjoy God's gifts. The danger comes when possessions become our identity or when our appetite for more becomes endless.

4. Because I desire to accomplish something meaningful to me. (Ecclesiastes 2:24)

Work can bring personal satisfaction.

There is something deeply fulfilling about doing work that matters to you—building something, solving something, creating something, leading something, or accomplishing something worthwhile.

5. Because I seek to do something through my work that is helpful and of service to others. (1 Peter 4:10)

At this level, our focus moves beyond ourselves.

The question changes from “What can I get?” to “What can I contribute?”

Our gifts become tools for serving other people.

6. Because I can earn money that I can give to help others. (Ephesians 4:28)

Work can create the capacity for generosity.

Instead of working only to consume, we can work so that we have something to share with people who are in need.

7. Because I can earn money that I can give to advance God's kingdom on earth. (Proverbs 3:9)

At this level, work and faith begin to merge.

Our income becomes a resource that can support God's work and contribute to purposes greater than ourselves.

8. Because I can serve and glorify God in my work and spiritually impact people. (Colossians 3:23–24)

This is purpose-driven work.

The workplace is no longer merely where we earn money. It becomes a place where we serve God, demonstrate His character, influence people, and live out our convictions.

These eight motivations can be summarized in four broad drives:

Paycheck-driven.

Passion-driven.

Philanthropy-driven.

Purpose-driven.

The higher we move, the broader our perspective becomes.

B. Observations

1. The Scripture affirms each of these motivations.

Scripture recognizes the responsibility to work, the importance of providing for family, the legitimate enjoyment of God's provision, the satisfaction of meaningful labor, the use of our gifts to serve others, generosity, kingdom investment, and ultimately working as unto the Lord.

The Bible does not treat work as spiritually irrelevant.

It gives work dignity.

2. The more of these motivations a man has in his work, the more motivated he will be in his job.

A man who works only for a paycheck has one primary reason to show up.

But a man who works to provide for his family, accomplish something meaningful, serve others, give generously, advance God's purposes, and glorify God has multiple reasons to remain engaged.

His motivation is deeper because his vision is bigger.

3. The more of these motivations a man has in his work, the bigger perspective he will have of his job.

The paycheck-driven man sees a job.

The purpose-driven man sees an opportunity.

The first asks, “What am I getting?”

The second asks, “What can I do with what I've been given?”

That is a completely different perspective.

4. The more success a man experiences with each of these motivations, the happier and more personally fulfilled he will be in his work.

When a man provides for his family, does meaningful work, serves others, gives generously, and lives for God's purposes, his work becomes much more than employment.

It becomes stewardship.

After this session, ask yourself honestly: Why do I work?

Your answer may reveal why you are energized, why you are frustrated, and what needs to change.

Smart men learn. Courageous men adjust. Wise men make the small strategic moves that change their lives.

IV. WHAT MEN WANT FROM THEIR WORK

A. Success

Every man wants to succeed.

Few things feel worse than knowing we are failing, underachieving, or letting people down.

We want to know that we are good at what we do and that our contribution matters.

B. Recognition

We also want recognition.

Most men want someone to notice when they have done something well.

Recognition communicates value: “I see you. I appreciate what you are doing. Your effort matters.”

Men often go where the cheers are.

Encouragement can release energy. When a man knows that his work is appreciated, he often becomes even more motivated to perform.

C. Fit

We want the right fit.

Finding the right fit requires more than discovering what we are good at. We also need to understand what we are not good at.

That can be difficult because men often like talking about their strengths but avoid confronting their limitations.

Yet knowing who you are—and who you are not—is essential.

Once you understand that, you need the courage to make the adjustments necessary to find the right fit.

D. Fair Compensation

We want fair compensation.

Money is not everything, but compensation communicates value, supports families, and provides resources for life and generosity.

A healthy view of work recognizes both the intrinsic value of meaningful contribution and the practical importance of fair compensation.

E. Community

We want community.

We spend too much time at work to ignore the importance of relationships there. Work becomes more enjoyable when we respect the people around us and share meaningful values with them.

Good colleagues can make difficult work bearable. Healthy community can transform a workplace.

F. Balance

We want balance.

We need balance between work and home, work and church, work and personal interests, and work and rest.

For many men, balance is difficult because the desire to succeed can override everything else.

Success can become so attractive that we sacrifice the very relationships and values that make success worthwhile.

Winning at work while losing at home is not real victory.

V. WHAT A MAN NEEDS TO HAVE TO GET WHAT HE WANTS FROM HIS WORK

There are four things a man needs if he wants to experience genuine fulfillment in his work.

A. A Higher View of Work

• God's View

Work is partly about perspective.

Consider the story of three bricklayers. A man approaches the first and asks, “What are you doing?”

“I am laying bricks,” he replies.

He asks the second.

“I am building a wall.”

He asks the third.

“I am building a great cathedral for the worship and glory of God.”

Three men. The same basic task. Three completely different perspectives.

That is the power of perspective.

A man needs a higher view of his work. He needs to see beyond the immediate task and understand the larger purpose behind it.

God's view of work changes everything.

B. A Courageous Approach with Work

• Don't settle for anything less than the right fit.

We need courage at work.

That does not mean recklessly quitting every job we dislike. It means refusing to live indefinitely in a situation that we know is fundamentally wrong.

The goal is not necessarily the perfect fit. There may never be a perfect fit.

The goal is the right fit—a place where your gifts, character, responsibilities, opportunities, and purpose can come together meaningfully.

If the fit is wrong, the work mirror may continue to frown.

Sometimes courage means changing jobs. Sometimes it means changing attitudes. Sometimes it means developing new skills. Sometimes it means having a difficult conversation. Sometimes it means staying and becoming the kind of man who can make a difference where he is.

But courage requires action.

C. A Broader Understanding of Work

• Who you are is as important as what you do.

Work is not merely about the task.

Work is also about the man performing the task.

Your character matters.

Your integrity matters.

Your influence matters.

Your relationships matter.

Your ability to respond to pressure matters.

Your spiritual life matters.

Your work is one of the environments God can use to shape who you are becoming.

The question is not merely, “What am I accomplishing?”

It is also, “Who am I becoming while I accomplish it?”

D. A More Purposeful Interaction at Work

• Eternal Purposes

There is another reason the workplace matters so much: people are there.

Products have shelf lives. Buildings deteriorate. Technology becomes obsolete. Profits rise and fall. Projects end.

But people have eternal significance.

The people sitting beside you, working under you, working above you, buying from you, selling to you, or interacting with you each day are more important than the temporary products and profits surrounding you.

That means the workplace is filled with spiritual opportunities.

The question is whether we recognize them.

And even when we recognize them, do we know how to engage people wisely, respectfully, and authentically?

That is part of the challenge ahead.

Over the coming sessions, we will explore these four areas: God's view of work, a courageous approach to work, a broader understanding of work, and a more purposeful interaction with people at work.

For today, however, leave with this conviction:

Your work matters to God.

What you do matters.

How you do it matters.

How you treat people matters.

How you respond to pressure matters.

How you use your resources matters.

How you integrate your faith with your work matters.

And even how you feel about your work matters.

The goal is not merely to make a living. It is to learn how to live meaningfully through the work God has entrusted to you.

So, as you leave this session, go back to your 10 Key Moves. Write down what you have learned. Identify the small adjustments you need to make. Look honestly into both mirrors.

Ask yourself:

How am I doing at home?

How am I doing at work?

What needs to change?

And then have the courage to make the move.

Because the man who wants to win does not merely look into the mirror and complain about the reflection.

He changes what he can change.

And when he does, the mirror begins to smile back.

  👍🏽 Robert Lewis

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