Since
the beginning of this journey, you have been developing your Ten Key Moves
draft. As we move deeper into this
experience, you may begin to feel overwhelmed by everything you are learning.
If you feel that way, you are not alone. The truth is, we are taking in a
tremendous amount of information. It is a good kind of “too much,” but it is
still too much to process in a single day.
That is precisely why
you were given the Ten Key Moves. The purpose is not simply to take notes. The
purpose is to identify the things you will do after the series is
finished.
Ask yourself:
“When this journey is
over, what must I actually change?”
Your Ten Key Moves
should become a roadmap from where you are today to where you want to be
tomorrow.
You might write:
“After this series, I am
going to plan a special getaway with my wife.”
Or: “I am going to meet
with a counselor and address the conflict we have been unable to resolve.”
There is nothing weak
about asking for help. In fact, refusing to address a serious problem because
of pride is not strength. It is passivity.
Minor-league manhood
says, “I hope this problem goes away.”
Big-league manhood says,
“This problem matters, and I am going to take responsibility for doing
something about it.”
You might write:
“I am going to begin
tracking our finances.”
“I am going to establish
a budget.”
“I am going to reduce
our debt.”
“I am going to write a
will.”
“I am going to read a
book that helps me understand personality differences.”
“I am going to learn
more about the needs of women.”
“I am going to become a
better communicator.”
These are not merely
educational goals. They are manhood moves.
One of the most
important lessons you can learn is that everybody is not like you. The people
closest to you do not necessarily think like you, communicate like you, process
emotions like you, or respond to life the way you do. If you want to influence
someone, you must first learn to understand them.
You have to know your
“customer.” And if your customer is the woman you are going to spend the rest
of your life loving, you had better learn how she thinks, what she values, what
motivates her, what hurts her, what encourages her, and what makes her feel
loved. That is wisdom.
And if you take these
lessons seriously, the impact will extend far beyond this series. It can
influence your marriage, your children, your career, your friendships, and
ultimately your legacy.
Here’s a story about determination: Years
ago, a small town experienced a terrible flood. A local reporter and cameraman
went out in a small boat to document the devastation. As they traveled through
the flooded community, they came upon a house that had been almost completely
submerged. Only the roof remained above the water. An elderly woman was sitting
on the roof. They approached her, checked to make sure she was safe, tied up
the boat, and climbed onto the roof. As they filmed the destruction around
them, they saw the carcass of an animal floating past. “Loss of livestock,” the
reporter noted. Then they saw pieces of a barn floating through the water. “Loss
of material possessions,” he said. Homes had been destroyed. Then suddenly, a
hat came floating down the river. The cameraman noticed something strange. The
hat would float downstream, then suddenly stop. It would move back upstream. Then
stop again. Then downstream. Then back upstream. Again and again. They were
fascinated. Finally, the reporter turned to the elderly woman and asked, “Can
you believe what we’re seeing?” She looked at him and said: “Oh, yes. That’s
old Uncle John. He said, ‘Come hell or high water, I’m going to mow the grass
today.’”
Comrades, that is the kind of focus I am
asking from you. Keep going. Stay engaged. Stay focused. Stay determined. Come
hell or high water, finish what you started.
I. CAN THE “GOOD LIFE” BE
DEFINED?
Today
we are going to talk about something every man wants but few men can clearly
define: The good life.
What
does it mean to live well?
What
does it mean to have a life that is genuinely satisfying?
Is
the good life defined by money? Success? Beauty? Achievement? Adventure? Power?
Recognition? Or is there something deeper?
The
question is: Can the good life be defined?
The
answer is yes. Research, social studies, surveys, and even the wisdom of
Scripture point us toward remarkably similar conclusions.
We
can identify some things that may look like the good life but ultimately fail
to deliver lasting fulfillment.
A) WHAT IT ISN’T
1.
It isn’t wealth and possessions.
Money
matters. Possessions matter. Financial security matters.
But
research consistently demonstrates that once basic needs are met, increasing
wealth does not automatically produce increasing happiness. Money can make life
more comfortable, but it cannot automatically make life meaningful.
Think
about lottery winners. We often imagine that winning the lottery would solve
everything. “If I could just win,” we think, “my life would be perfect.” But
many lottery winners discover that sudden wealth does not automatically produce
healthy relationships, peace, purpose, or fulfillment.
In
some cases, it creates the opposite. Relationships become strained. People
become suspicious. Friends become competitors. Family members begin asking for
money. Responsibilities multiply. The lesson is simple: Money can purchase many
things, but it cannot purchase the good life.
2.
The good life isn’t beauty.
Beauty
can attract attention. It can create opportunities. It can influence how people
perceive us.
But
physical attractiveness is temporary. And when beauty becomes the foundation of
identity, a person can become trapped in self-focus.
True
fulfillment cannot be built on appearance. The mirror changes. Aging happens. Circumstances change. But relationships,
character, faith, and purpose can become deeper with time.
3.
It isn’t thrilling experiences.
Skydiving.
Cliff diving. Bungee jumping. Extreme adventures.
There
is nothing inherently wrong with excitement. But excitement is not the same
thing as fulfillment. A thrill can produce a momentary high, but a momentary
high is not a meaningful life.
Sometimes
people chase increasingly intense experiences because they are trying to escape
an inner emptiness.
The
problem is that eventually the adrenaline wears off. Then the man is back where
he started. Still empty. Still restless. Still searching.
4.
It isn’t personal accomplishment.
Achievement
feels wonderful—until you discover that achievement alone cannot sustain your
soul.
You
work. You sacrifice. You compete. You climb. You finally reach the top. And
then you discover the question: “Is this it?”
That
question has haunted many successful people. The trophy is real. The promotion
is real. The championship is real. The accomplishment is real. But somehow the
expected happiness never fully arrives.
Why?
Because accomplishment is only part of the package. There is nothing wrong with
wealth, beauty, adventure, or achievement. But they are the candy shell of
life. They are not necessarily the interior.
So
what is?
B) WHAT IT IS
Research points
toward four important ingredients of lasting fulfillment:
1. Close
friends
We were not designed to live isolated lives.
A man needs people who know him, challenge him, encourage him, correct him, and
stand with him. You need friendships deeper than handshakes and small talk.
2. A
good marriage
A healthy marriage provides companionship,
intimacy, partnership, belonging, and love. For a married man, winning at work
while losing at home is not winning. The quality of your home life matters.
3.
Control over your life
People generally experience greater
well-being when they have meaningful influence over their choices and
direction.
This does not mean controlling
everything. No man controls everything. It means accepting responsibility for
the things you can influence.
You may not control circumstances,
but you can control your response.
You may not control another person,
but you can control your character.
You may not control the future, but
you can prepare for it.
Responsibility creates hope.
4. A
vibrant Religious Faith
There is a dimension of life that cannot
be explained merely through possessions, achievement, relationships, or
personal control.
Human beings ask ultimate questions: Why
am I here? What is my purpose? What happens after death? Is there a God? Can I
know Him?
A vibrant faith addresses those questions.
C) WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS
— 1 CORINTHIANS 13:13
What
is fascinating is how closely these findings correspond with the biblical
picture.
Paul
concludes 1 Corinthians 13 by saying: “Now remain these three: faith, hope and
love.”
Three
words.
1. Love
Close friendships and a good marriage are
fundamentally about love. Love connects us. Love gives life meaning. Love moves
us outside ourselves.
2. Hope
When a man loses hope, he loses his sense that
tomorrow can be different from today.
But hope says: “The story is not over.”
An athlete who believes the game is hopeless stops
fighting. But the athlete who believes there is still a possibility continues.
Faith gives us hope even when circumstances appear
hopeless.
3. Faith
Faith gives the good life its foundation. Faith says
that there is a reality greater than me. There is a God. There is purpose. There
is redemption. There is eternal significance.
So the good life can be summarized simply: Faith.
Hope. Love.
The wise man does not spend his entire life chasing
dead ends only to discover too late that they could never satisfy him. He looks
at the evidence. He looks at Scripture. He examines his own life. And then he
chooses his direction.
II. FAITH AND A WOMAN
For
the last several Sessions, we have talked about love and hope in practical
ways. You have learned about your wife’s needs. You have learned about personality
differences. You have learned about communication. You have learned about
conflict. You have learned how to create greater security and connection. All
of that gives you greater relational wisdom.
But
today we come to the third element: Faith.
Because
your spiritual life—or the absence of one—will affect your relationship with
the woman you love. Whether you acknowledge it or not, your beliefs about God,
morality, eternity, purpose, and truth eventually enter your marriage.
You
cannot permanently separate your spiritual beliefs from your everyday life. They influence your decisions. They influence
your priorities. They influence how you handle money. They influence
forgiveness. They influence sexuality. They influence parenting. They influence
suffering. They influence death. They influence how you treat your wife.
A man
and woman who share a deep spiritual commitment can experience a level of
intimacy that goes beyond physical attraction.
That
brings us to one of the most powerful pictures in Scripture.
A. The “good life”
is a threesome. Ecclesiastes 4:12
Ecclesiastes 4
says: “Two are better than one…”
Then it explains
how two people can help each other when one falls.
But then Solomon
concludes: “A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.”
Three strands. Who
is the third?
For a Christian
marriage, the answer is God.
-A man.
-A woman.
-God.
That is the
three-strand cord.
Human love is
powerful, but human love is also inconsistent. There will be days when you are
tired. There will be days when she is
tired. There will be moments when you disagree. There will be seasons when
circumstances test your relationship. There will be moments when neither of you
knows what to do. That is when the third strand matters.
God provides
strength where human strength runs out. He provides wisdom where human wisdom
is insufficient. He provides forgiveness when resentment wants to take over. He
provides hope when circumstances become difficult. He provides a kingdom larger
than either spouse.
B. The triangle effect
Imagine
a triangle. God is at the top. The man is at one bottom corner. The woman is at
the other.
Now
imagine both spouses moving toward God. What happens? They also move closer to
each other. That is the triangle effect.
The closer each person moves toward God, the closer the relationship can become.
But
remove God from the picture. Now you have a straight line. The man stands at
one end. The woman stands at the other. And the space between them becomes a
tug-of-war rope.
The man pulls: “You need to believe what I believe.” She pulls: “No, you need to see things my way.”
He
pulls harder. She pulls harder. They become exhausted. But they do not become
closer. That is the tragedy of many marriages. Both people are trying to win. But
neither is becoming one.
After
years of ministry experience, one lesson becomes obvious: You cannot
dominate another human being into loving your kingdom.
You
may force compliance. You may win an argument. You may get your way. But you
cannot force genuine surrender of the heart. A marriage needs a kingdom bigger
than both people. For the Christian, that kingdom belongs to God. That is how
you win at home.
III. OUR FAITH
Now let’s
move from the relationship between a man and woman to the man himself.
What do you
believe? What do you believe about God? What do you believe about life? What do
you believe about eternity? What do you believe about your purpose? Every man
eventually has to answer these questions.
A. My faith (John 10:10):
For years, a man believes he
understands life. Then life exposes his limitations. He realizes: “Life is
bigger than me.” That realization can be terrifying. But it can also become the
doorway to transformation.
Jesus said in John 10:10: “I have
come that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”
The promise is not merely about
attending religious services. It is about life. Real life. Marriage. Work. Money.
Friendship. Character. Purpose. Forgiveness. Hope.
The speaker describes embracing
Christ by faith and then learning four things.
1.
God really does love me, and He is not passive about it.
God’s
love is not merely an idea. Christian faith declares that God’s love moves
toward humanity.
2. Jesus really is
alive.
Christian
faith is centered on a living Christ, not merely an inspirational teacher from
history. The resurrection is at the heart of that faith.
3. His Word works.
God’s
Word provides wisdom for real life. It teaches us how to think, how to love,
how to forgive, how to lead, and how to live.
4.
Jesus’ promise of abundant life is real.
The
abundant life is not simply about religious activity. It is about becoming a
different kind of man. A better husband. A better father. A better friend. A
better employee. A better leader. A more responsible human being. That is where
faith intersects everyday life.
B. Life-giving faith
Before we move toward the final
sessions on parenting, fatherhood, and building a healthy home, we need to
understand what makes everything else possible.
Peter describes believers as being
born again into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ. He
describes an inheritance that cannot perish, cannot be defiled, and cannot fade
away.
That gives us four powerful
truths.
1. It
starts with God’s great mercy.
Life-giving
faith begins with mercy. Imagine standing in a massive theme park. You have
already waited in line for hours. You are tired. You are hot. You are
frustrated.
Then
someone walks up and says: “Would you like to make that one minute?” You
hesitate. You wonder whether you should trust him. But you follow. He takes you
through a door. Past the crowds. Past the lines. Past the waiting. And suddenly
you are inside. You did nothing to earn it. Someone simply extended mercy.
That
picture captures something about God’s grace. We spend much of life standing in
line for things we think will satisfy us. Money. Success. Pleasure. Recognition. Relationships. Achievement.
And eventually many of us discover that the ride does not deliver what we
thought it would.
Then,
sometimes in the middle of our disappointment, God speaks. Through Scripture. Through
another person. Through circumstances. Through suffering. Through an unexpected
moment. And mercy says: “There is a better way.” You did not earn it. You did
not deserve it. It is mercy.
God
does not wait for you to become perfect before He reaches toward you. He
reaches toward you because He loves you.
2. It
is offered through a living hope.
Faith
is only as good as the object of your faith. Christian faith is not ultimately
faith in an idea. It is faith in a Person.
Jesus
is the way, the truth, and the life. And Christian faith rests on the claim
that Jesus conquered death. Therefore, Christian hope is living hope.
It
is not wishful thinking. It is not positive thinking. It is not pretending
everything is fine.
Living
hope says: “Even when I cannot see the answer, I am not alone.” Prayer can open
doors that can not have been anticipated. Faith is not merely an abstract
theory. It can become deeply personal. When a man knows he is not alone, he can
face life differently.
3.
It promises a secure future — John 11:25.
Jesus
declares in John 11:25: “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who
believes in me will live, even though they die.”
That
is one of the central promises of Christian faith. Death does not get the final
word.
For
a man of faith, eternity changes the way he views today. It changes how he
handles loss. It changes how he handles suffering. It changes how he handles
success. It changes how he handles failure.
The
man who knows where his ultimate future is secure does not have to build his
entire identity around temporary things.
So
the gut check is simple: Is your faith real? Does it make a difference? Do you
have a living hope? Or is your faith merely something you inherited culturally?
Maybe you have attended church for years but never personally trusted Christ. Maybe
no one ever explained the gospel clearly to you. Maybe you have been
disappointed by religious people. Maybe you have struggled with doubts. Maybe
you have simply never felt the need. Whatever your story, the question remains:
What will you do with Jesus?
4.
It comes alive only when you die and are born again.
Here
we return to the paradox principle: Die to live.
Jesus
spoke of being born again. But before new life comes, something has to die.
What
has to die? The illusion that you are sufficient on your own. The belief that
you always know best. The insistence that you must control everything.
The
pride that says: “I can figure this out without God.”
The
attitude that says: “I will make life work my way.”
That
is the death required. You must surrender yourself before you can receive new
life in Christ. It is not about becoming perfect. It is about becoming
surrendered.
Imagine
a man standing with his back toward God. He is busy building his own life. “I’ll
do this.” “I’ll accomplish that.” “I’ll get this promotion.” “I’ll make this
relationship work.” “I’ll raise these children.” “I’ll handle my money.” “I’ll
fix everything.”
Then
life begins to expose his limitations. His
marriage struggles. His children struggle. His habits control him. His dreams
collapse. His confidence weakens.
Eventually
he says: “I don’t get it.” That moment can become the turning point. He turns. He
sees God reaching toward him.
And
now he has a choice. He can continue
trying to control everything. Or he can surrender. He can move toward God. He
can trust Christ. He can receive forgiveness. He can receive new life. That is
the meaning of being born again.
The
man who has spent his life trying to control everything finally discovers the
freedom of surrender. That is the paradox. You die to yourself so that you can
truly live.
The Ultimate Gut Check
So, comrades, here is the question:
Do you have that faith? Not merely
church attendance. Not religious vocabulary. Not family tradition. Not cultural
Christianity. Do you personally trust Christ? Do you have a living hope?
And if you do not, would you like
to? The Christian invitation is
remarkably simple. You acknowledge that your way has not been enough. You
acknowledge your need. You turn toward Christ. You trust Him. You ask Him to
forgive you. You surrender your life. You begin to follow Him.
A prayer might sound like this:
Lord Jesus, I have heard about a
different way of life. I recognize that my way has not given me the life I
truly need. I want the abundant life You offer. By faith, I turn to You, the
Living Hope and the Living God. Forgive my sins, my failures, my mistakes, and
the times I have chosen my own way. Come into my life. Lead me. Teach me.
Change me. Help me understand Your Word and obey it. From this moment forward,
I choose to trust You and follow You. Be the Lord of my life. Amen.
Faith is a genuine turning toward
Christ. It is surrender. It is trust. It
is the beginning of a new life.
IV. SO WHAT’S NEXT?
Faith is
not the end of the journey. It is the beginning. If you have genuinely decided
to follow Christ, do not keep it to yourself.
A. Tell someone close
to you.
Tell someone you trust. Tell your wife. Tell a close friend. Tell
another believer. Share what happened. There is power in bringing a private
decision into the light. You are not meant to walk alone.
And if you have
questions, doubts, or uncertainty, find someone mature in faith who can walk
with you.
B. Find
a group of people seeking to follow Jesus and join them.
You need
community. You need people who will encourage you. You need people who will
challenge you. You need people who will pray with you. You need people who will
tell you the truth. You need people who will walk with you when life becomes
difficult. Christianity was never designed to be lived as a solo project.
The man of
courage understands that real strength is not pretending he needs nobody. Real
strength is knowing where to find the help he needs.
Conclusion: Where Is The Good
Life?
Comrades,
we began by asking: Can the good life be
defined?
The
answer is yes. The good life is not simply money. It is not possessions. It is
not beauty. It is not excitement. It is not achievement. Those things may have
value, but they cannot carry the weight of your soul.
The
deeper ingredients are love, hope, and faith. Close friendships. A healthy
marriage. Meaningful responsibility. A vibrant faith.
And
for the Christian man, those three words—faith, hope, and love—find their
ultimate meaning in Jesus Christ. Love
teaches us how to connect. Hope teaches us how to continue. Faith teaches us
whom to trust. And together they create the foundation of a life that is bigger
than success.
So,
men of courage, keep working your Ten Key Moves. Write down what needs to change. Do not
postpone important conversations. Do not go passive where responsibility is
required. Do not allow unresolved conflict to become permanent. Do not neglect
your finances. Do not neglect your wife. Do not neglect your children. Do not
neglect your spiritual life.
And
above all, be a finisher. Finish strong.
Keep moving. Keep learning. Keep growing. Keep becoming.
Because
authentic manhood is not achieved in one dramatic moment. It is built through thousands of courageous
decisions. And perhaps the greatest decision of all is the decision to admit: “I
don’t have it all figured out.”
Then
to turn toward God and say: “Lord, teach
me how to live.” That is where the good life begins. That is where faith
becomes real. That is where hope becomes alive. That is where love becomes
deeper.
And
that is where a man begins to move from the minor leagues of manhood to the big
leagues. Reject Passivity. Accept Responsibility. Lead Courageously. Expect
God’s Reward. Be the man. Lead the way. And leave a legacy.
👍🏽 Robert Lewis
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